Kpop sickfic/hurtfic

NI-KI- sick habit

Requested by @CUTIEBTSFAN4EVER

I hope you enjoy :))

Sometimes no one realizes the cruel lie that the dream was, when you were a trainee. The only thing you wanted to do is just dance and sing and just have fans, that will love you and support you. But being an idol is so much more than that. 

Everyone has heard about the dangers about being an idol, how harmful it can be. But when being an idol is your only true dream all those side warnings don't even come into consideration, well until you actually debut it is. 

The one thing I am praised for is my dancing skills, the one thing that is keeping me from getting kicked out, and you are telling me that I cannot get this only one dance right. I am suppose to be fast at getting a dance, I am suppose to be the best.

But here I am having to do extra practice so that I can be still in the same place, the new song replaying on repeat  multiple times, with no stop. My brain was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again and my body...

Well my body doesn't feel like anything.

There was no one around, it was quiet, it was nice. This is the only place were this stupid perfect mask can fall down and break. This is the only place were the picturesque dream that I wish was reality. This is the place were my face feels wet thanks to the small salty tears dripping down my face.

I watched myself in the mirror hitting my head every single time I made a small mistake.

I can't control it, the frustration of every single step I make, if it is not perfect than why am I doing them. what is wrong with me?

I stopped the music and slid down and hugged my knees as hard as I can, squeezing them with all my power, which gave me a sense of comfort. I buried my face on my knees, feeling my eyes burn from all the crying. This was the only place I could cry because of the soundproof walls preventing any intruder into my actual self.

My members aren't even awake. I mean who would be awake at three in the morning, and who would come to practice at three in the morning. The HYBE building is completely empty except the bodyguards who have the night shifts. 

This was the only time and the only place I can hide my true self, how would my hyung feel when they see that the way I portrayed myself is nothing like I am? 

I am very far from prefect, I am very far from being the best dancer, but who would get that?

All my thoughts were filled with my bad dancing, how can I be so stupid, how can my moves look so stiff as if I was a robot.

I have waisted my time crying instead f practicing, I mean who can be stupider than that.

Once my tears finally stopped pouring out of my puffy eyes I slowly stood up while leaning against the mirror for extra support. When I looked at the mirror I could see the tears tracks, I could see the puffy eyes, the puffy red eyes making me look ten times worse. My hair was stuck to my forehead making me realize how much I was actually sweating.

I went towards my bag, and got my towel that I bring to practice and wipe my face down, that I go to the small mini fridge were there was the small ice for the face, that I decided to put there as it is not the first time. I placed the ice onto my face and started massaging it so that the puffiness doesn't show as much.

I grabbed my bag and started exiting before heading towards the exit were I was smashed with the strong breeze of the wind giving me some sort of comfort and relaxation. I felt like I was being hugged from my head to my toes.

I started walking the 20 minutes  walk, to my dorm. The street were completely empty and I was admiring the small lights from the 24 hours shops, and the shining moon brighter than anything else. The moon that was so beautiful from the earth even when we saw the imperfect holes from the pain, still looked more stunning than anything else. the moon that was only able to come out in the night were not many people are out, but those who are they appreciate it's  comforting shine.