richard hayden x reader (tommy boy)

ch 5

tommy paced around outside of the car, muttering to himself. "i gotta do this... this is it, this one's gotta be the one!"

you straightened your suit jacket out, smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress shirt. richard checked his hair in the rearview mirror before circling his way around to tommy on the sidewalk.

"i gotta do this, it's gotta be me..." tommy continued to chant to himself, slightly freaking you out. you'd never seen him so high-strung before.

"are you ready?" richard chirped. tommy's posture straightened.

"yeah, sorry, i'm ready. hey, does this suit make me look fat?" tommy asked. richard looked at the man with an unamused expression.

"no, your face does," he stated with a dry tone.

you shook your head, circling around the front of the car to ready yourself for the first sales pitch. "real classy, richard," you scoffed.

"okay tommy, let's check you out."

richard reached for the man's tie, attempting to straighten it out. however, he pulled the tie right off of tommy's shirt.

"hehe, it's a clip-on," he giggled. richard gave a fake smile before returning to his normal bitter expression.

"are you sure?" he snapped. he shook his head, as if trying to brush off any stupidity from tommy that could have rubbed off on him. "alright, now. it's sales time. remember, we don't take no...?" richard looked at tommy expectantly.

"no shit from anyone!" tommy exclaimed confidently. richard sighed.

"no-"

"oh, we don't take no prisoners!" you chimed quickly. richard shook his head at the both of you, clearly not enjoying being cut off by you.

"no. we don't take no for an answer."

you and tommy both let out and 'ohhhh', nodding.

and yet, no was all tommy seemed to take for an answer.

the first sales pitch.

"no." the man looked at the three of you as if you were crazy.

"okey dokey!" tommy chirped, quickly leaving the office.

the second sales pitch.

"no," your potential customer had stated, as if he would rather be torn apart limb by limb than touch a single one of your brake pads.

"gotcha, thanks!" once again, the three of you left without putting up a fight.

the third sales pitch.

"no way in hell."

"terrific, thank you for your time!"

and then there was your fourth sales pitch.

"let me say... maybe."

the three of you looked at each other in shock. this guy... was considering it?

richard began to speak, stammering. "well, then, i'd just like to add that the spectrometer read-out on the nickel-cadmium alloy mix indicates a good, rich
strobe and fade, decreasing incidence of wear
to the pressure plate! if you could just-"

"woah there, little fella. you're not speaking my language," the man remarked. you watched as richard deflated in his seat, and you spoke up.

"um, sir, if i may! with recent fluctuations in the economy and the changing nature of the auto parts industry, i really think that investing in these brake pads could help you become a pioneer, an innovating force, even, and help you get a leg up on the competition, if you just-"

"look, i don't know who you think you are, girl, but i don't think i need some woman telling me what is and isn't good for my company," the man spat. you sunk down further in your seat, running your hand through your hair.

"i shouldn't have to take this shit," you muttered under your breath to richard, and he nodded subtly in agreement.

"uh, listen! i think what my associates are trying to say is that our new brake pads are really cool. i mean, you're not even gonna believe it!" tommy announces.

he grabs one of the man's model cars off of his desk like a child playing.

"like, let's just say you're driving along the road with your family, driving along, driving along..." tommy sings. you can already feel your heart sink. you looked towards richard, trying to signal not to leave tommy to his own devices. however, there didn't seem to be any way to stop him.

"and then! all of a sudden, there's a truck tire in the middle of the road! you hit the brakes... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" tommy shrieks, imitating a braking sound. you flinch, the sound grating to your ears. you watch as tommy scrapes the model car across the desk, stopping it in front of some kind of spool.

"woah. that was close."

richard glances at the man, smiling slightly, as if trying to ease his own nerves. you can barely watch the scene in front of you unfold.

"now let's see what happens when you're driving with the other guys' brake pads. you're driving and driving, and suddenly your kids are yelling from the back seat."

tommy moves to imitate a shrill, high-pitched child voice. "i gotta go to the bathroom, daddy!" he suddenly drops his voice and octave, indicating he's acting as the 'father'. "not now, dammit!... truck tire! i can't stop! there's a cliff!"

tommy lets the model car crash to the floor, breaking it. you cover your eyes with your hands, letting yourself peek through the cracks of your fingers slightly. it's a disaster you can't seem to look away from.

"and your family is screaming, 'oh my god, we're burning alive!!! no, i can't feel my legs!'" tommy shrieks, and you nearly choke as he pulls the lighter from the man's desk, setting fire to the model car. you watch as the man's face morphs into an expression of horror.

"here comes the meat wagon!" tommy exclaims, grabbing another model car to act as the ambulance, mimicking siren sounds. "the medic gets out and says, 'ohhh my god!'" tommy puts on an accent, truly committing to the bit.

"now the new guy's in the corner, puking his guts out!" tommy pretends to vomit on the floor, richard flinching back. you're nearly shaking at this point, both from shock and laughter at the scene unfolding before you.

"all because you wanna save a couple of extra pennies!" tommy declares, looking quite proud of himself. "now, to me, that doesn't seem-"

"get out. now." the man suddenly roars.

you stand straight up out of your seat, turning around instantly to hide your horror and laughter. richard gulps.

"yes, sir," he mutters. he attempts to blow out the flames on the man's model car, but only ends up making it worse. tommy leans forward, holding a pass in his hands.

"do you validate?" he tries, voice innocent.

"now!" the man shouts again.