Turning Sides || Loki x Reader au

The White Dress

*6 months later*

I had woken up a bit later than Loki did, and today I didn't feel like doing much, so I got up and had the urge to read all day.

I looked out the window and realized why I wanted to read so much.

It's raining.

I looked through my dresser with my dresses in it, I grabbed the dress I wanted and set it down on my bed.

I went to close the drawer and I saw the white dress that was stained with my blood.

Of course, I've tried washing it, but it's stained with that blotchy gross brown spot forever now.

I sighed, suddenly feeling a wave of sadness wash over me, so I took a deep breath to control my emotions.

I folded the dress a bit and saw the hole where his dagger went through.

I retook deep breaths to control myself.

Why do I still have this? I meant to get rid of it...

I folded it some more, and I remembered that I did -in fact- throw it away.

So why is it here?

Maybe Loki found it in the trash and kept it?

I sighed, running my fingers along the soft fabric of the dress.

"Oh, good morning darling." Loki said when he walked in and saw me awake.

"Loki, I thought I threw this dress away." I said, looking at him.

The look on his face changed.

"I w-wanted to keep it." He stuttered, and I felt his whole demeanor become sad.

"Why?"

"I don't know, but I felt like it was something important."

"Loki, you don't do things without reason, all those times you've hurt people was because you were afraid of dying, why did you keep this dress?"

He gave me a sad look, then rubbed his face with his hands.

"Loki, answer the question, please." I pleaded.

There was a moment of silence, "I kept it because it's a reminder not to fuck up again."

He was crying now.

I looked at him, my jaw dropping in shock at what he told me.

I walked up to him and pulled him into a hug.

He hugged back tightly as he leaned forward slightly.

"Loki, you didn't fuck up." I said, rubbing his back.

"Shut up."

"Loki, I am your Queen, you will not tell me to shut up again."

He was quiet.

"I'm sorry darling, I'm so sorry."

"Loki, you have nothing to apologize for, I swear to you. I have told you that I forgive you, many times, it seems like you don't believe me."

He cried into my shoulder.

"Loki, it wasn't your fault." I said and he pulled away from the hug, pushing me away slightly.

"I'm a monster, Y/n! You shouldn't want to be around me!" He yelled, sobbing.

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed silent, which was probably the worst thing to do.

"You deserve someone who won't betray you! I'm just going to disappoint you!"

"Loki."

"Who would you rather be married to?"

"Loki, stop!"

He went quiet, and Bucky walked in, holding Chessie.

"Hey, I heard yelling, is everything okay?" He asked, his voice soft.

"Leave!" Loki shouted at him.

I gave Loki a shocked look and walked over to the door.

"Bucky, everything is alright, he's just a bit upset." I said to him, and I touched him, soothing his worries.

"He's having a moment, don't worry." I smiled softly.

"You look worried."

I started whispering, "I'm not worried, you should hear what he says and stand in my shoes, I'm heartbroken, Bucky."

He gave me a thoughtful look, "Do you want Chessie?"

"Not at the moment, I'm going to help calm Loki down." I told him, and he nodded as I closed the door.

Loki was sitting on our bed, his head in his hands.

I sat down on the bed beside him.

"Loki, I always have and always will love you, okay? You weren't in control, you and I both know that." I said, rubbing my hand on his back.

"I'm sorry I've been angry lately, it must be the weather, Thor always knows the fine-tuned trick that annoys me." He lied, well kind of but I could tell that he was hiding something.

I smiled softly, "You mean it must be the emotions of your true self?"

He looked at me, almost shocked.

"We've had this conversation three years ago, just because you're different, doesn't mean I won't love you." I smiled a bit.

"Did you never tell me who told you?"

"Your mother."

"How long have you known?"

I sighed, unable to answer the question because I don't remember when Frigga told me if she even had spoken to me about it at all. I don't know whether she told me, if I read her mind, or maybe even Loki's mind.

"I don't know." I finally admitted.