Behind The Church

XX

Christina

Fuck fuck fuck. Shit shit shit.

We're going into lockdown. I just got the notification on my phone.

Sure, it's only two weeks but two weeks without Kate? Nah, mate. I can't live without my girlfriend and the girls can't live without their Mom. We should've had her move in with us. Then we wouldn't have to live without her.

"Mama! I'm hungry." Arizona complains.

"What would you like for dinner, Arizona?" I ask my daughter.

"Uhhh... Can you do Carbonara?"

"I can. Can you help me?"

"Okay, Mama!"

I have Zoey measure out the pasta and stir the sauce once it's all in there. She loves helping where she can and I find it adorable.

"When is Mommy coming over?" my helper asks as she mindlessly stirs the pot.

"That's the thing, kiddo. We're not going to be able to see Mommy for a little while." I confess.

"Is it because of the panda?"

"Panda? Do you mean pandemic?"

"Oh, yeah. Silly me." she chuckles.

"And yes, it is. Mommy will be staying with Granny and we'll have to say home. We can still call her though."

"Oh. I'll miss Mommy then."

"Me too, kid." I say, sipping on my coffee.

"Are you and Mommy ever gonna get married?"

"Uhh, I don't know. I haven't thought about it." I choke out, as the question took me by surprise.

"Why haven't you thought about it?"

"Because there's so much going on and Mama's head is always a mess." I explain.

"Well, can you think about it now?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Oh, because Granny always asks Mommy when you're gonna get married."

"And what does Mommy say?"

"'When she pops the question.'"

Wow. She's waiting for me to propose. I guess that's her way of saying that's she waiting for me to be ready.

I could see my future as Kate's wife quite clearly. We'd get married, go on our honeymoon to Wales or Bora Bora. We'd come back, settle for a bit and have our first baby. They'd be the light of our lives, all three of our kids. And then we'd have more and more until there's no room in the house. So many kids. I want so many kids with her because I feel that giving her children is a form of love. That child will be our love mushed into a tiny human being, who will grow up with that love and give it to another person, and if they have a kid, their live will be passed on and so and so forth. The world needs a bit more love.

"Mama, what's 'the question'?" Zoey asks, peering st me from the counter.

"It's where I would ask your Mom to marry me."

"You would need a ring, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, baby. But I can't buy your Mom a ring just yet."

"Because of the pandemic?"

"Because of the pandemic." I nod.

"I hope it goes away soon." she said dejectedly.

"I know. I think dinner's nearly done, can you go and get your sister?"

"Okay!"

I watch as my daughter hops off of the counter and sprints so fetch her sister, calling her name as she went. The pair make me laugh. They have a good dynamic and they just bounce off of each other. A bit like Mama and her twin brother, James. They're quite the duo when they're together.

I wonder what my twin brother is up to right now? Is he studying? He should be. Is he in quarantine like I am?

He never gave me his number, so I have no means of contacting him. It does hurt that he wants nothing to do with me, but I understand because of our past.

"Is it dinner time, Mama?" Ruth called from the stairs.

"Yes, Ruth. I'm just plating it up, now."

"Okay!"

We all talk about quarantine during dinner. What it would mean, what's happened and why, how we can't see Kate for a while and that we have to stay home.

It's a confusing topic, but they're able to grasp the gist of it. I'm so blessed to have the daughters that I have. They're so understanding and kind and smart. I love them so much.