Harsh "Love"

🍋Chapter 9 -K

Heidis POV

We were cuddling in his room watching a new movie that came out recently, "Finding Randy."
It was okay, just being with Cartman makes my day honestly. He had his arms wrapped around me with the blanket ontop of us. It was quiet as we listened to the movie before he started to nip at my neck, I realized and got the hint at what he was implying. "No, Eric. I don't want to."

"Aw, cmon. You owe me." "No I don't..?" "God do you even love me?" He said letting go of me and turned to face the other way now turning his back to me. "Eric, I love you. I just dont want to do that until marriage, we talked about this."

Silent.

"Eric? Eric, please don't ignore me." I said now sitting up as I looked at him waiting for him to answer, the blanket falling off us. "Eric please, please." Did I seriously screw up again? I don't want him to be mad at me again. "Eric?" "You hate me dont you?"

"What? No, of course not." "Yes you do! Nobody is ever going to love you or your fatass body and I'm the only one who does, and you wont even let me be happy! You owe me!" "Eric, we talked about this. I don't want to."

"You just hate me."

I felt so upset I was making him think like this, did I owe him? I told him so many times I don't like this and he normally just gave up but maybe I did owe him? I really don't want to. But, the thing he said about my body. Maybe no one else would find me attractive like how he does.

I should be lucky he even wants to be with me, more so do that with me.

"Eric, please...dont ignore me." "I wont if you let me."

"Okay, fine...im sorry."

He turned around facing me with a smile and I felt my heart drop realizing what I just said, why couldnt I say no again? Its like the word just erased itself in my head. He sat up and sat closer to me speaking in a lower voice. "You owe me anyways." Did I?

He placed a hand on my cheek cupping it before kissing me roughly and horribly honestly...his breath stank like KFC. Not a fun smell. I tried pulling away but the words 'You owe me' played over and over in my head. He grabbed the remote for the TV and shut off the leaving the light from his LEDS to light up a room, they were a red color.

A color I would grow to hate.

He looked at me again and started to kiss my neck slopply, I didn't move or even look at him as he did so. I just looked at the floor wishing that I wasnt here, or that I was with someone other than Eric. But, I owed Eric, He said so.

Eric messed around with the spaghetti strap from my maroon dress causing me to flinch slightly as he pulled down the strap lower on my shoulder. "Eric, I change my mind." I tried reasoning with him, he rolled his eyes and instead of stopping he turned on the TV again and started to play loud music over my pleads of him to stop.

"You owe me, remember?"

He pulled down the other strap and started to tug at my dress, I was shaking slightly as I continued to stare at the floor trying to convince myself that I wasnt here, that I was in...a forest smiling and laughing with friends. Joking and hugging Kyle as we talked about random things. I smiled softly thinking about it and I guess that gave Eric the wrong idea because he took off my dress causing me to get back into reality, my smile dropping suddenly as I turned my head to see him. He was in front of me throwing my dress onto the floor.

I felt so cold, alone, scared.

The music was loud but I kept trying to reason with Eric but it was clear he didn't care. I wish he did. He grabbed my knees spreading my legs as he moved inbetween them instead letting go of my knees as he started kissing my stomach slowly lowering himself.

I want to disapear.

I looked at the shitty popcorn roof a prayed this was some stupid nightmare, I didn't stop the tears than ran down my cheeks. I flinched when he kissed the rim of my underwear.

"Please stop."

I wanted to scream, cry. I wanted to leave, slap him even. I didn't though, I watched him remove them ripping the last thing of protection that made me feel secure and safe. I felt so exposed and in his control, I hated it. He had that stupid smile on his face as he took off his shirt and leaned down kissing my inner thighs as he did so.

I want to go home.

Why couldnt I scream? Why couldnt I say no? The tears kept falling down as I dug my nails into my palm feeling Eric starting to get closer and closer, till he did. I didnt move, I didnt fight back. Why didnt I? He kissed it before slopply messing with it, I kept thinking of my happy place. With all my friends, safe.

I flinched hearing his zipper come undone and I slowly realized the realilty of what was happening, he isn't going to stop. He doesnt care about how I feel. But I owe him this.

Time skip

He finally finished and passed out next to me on his bed and the tears kept coming, staining my face. I hadnt moved from my begining pose and it was torture. I needed to leave, I looked at my dress and felt so dirty.

Its my fault.

I let him.

Why didnt I fight back?..

I stood up still with tears dropping as I walked into the living room with a slight wobble as I grabbed a hoodie Kyle gave me a while back, Cartman just thought I got it from Wendy. I always carried it with me in my bag but now I really needed it.

I grabbed my phone from my bag and called Kyle as I put his hoodie on with the shorts I was wearing before everything happened.

"Hey, Heidi? I'm so sorry what happened whenever you came over-, whats wrong? Why are you crying?"

I started sobbing when he finished talking. "Kyle...can you pick me up?" I said inbetween sobs barley able to stay standing. "What did that fucking fatass do?" "Ill tell you everything...please just pick me up. I'm at Cartmans.." I replied, Kyle never hang up on me and kept asking me these random questions.

"Whats your favorite color?" etc. I think he was distracting me to calm me down. I heard his car speeding down until it reached Cartmans. I didnt feel like using my car, not after what just happened. I felt so dirty and I couldnt use anything Cartman bought me.