Liquid Courage

Confession//Ch5

Matt's P.O.V.

After a long couple of weeks of fighting both criminals and my building lust, I decided I may need to go to confession. So here I stood in the archway of St. Agnes Church debating if my confession is what will lead me to clarity or into insanity.

Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and pushed open the doors revealing a room lit by color from the multiple stained-glass windows that wrapped around the church. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my exposed skin. Slowly I made my way to the confessionals where I heard the soft mumbling of someone confessing. 

I patiently waited for the confessional to be free. I broke down my cane so that I could sit comfortably. taking a deep breath I made the sign of the cross over my chest. 

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession" I take yet another breath. "Let me start by saying that I have hurt some bad people for doing bad things..." I took a minute to compose my thoughts into an easier string of words that did not give away too much.

 "These people had gotten away with a lot by paying off multiple officials and I couldn't just sit by and allow them to take innocent women or hurt innocent people" I glared into space for a moment. 

"I've been fighting wars that only I could fight and battles only I could win" I shook my head.

 " I know that sounds prideful but it is true in this situation I am in and I must apologize Father for I can not fully confess to the violence I have committed not in fear for what you or god may say but for fear of what may happen to you if you know this information in full yet I can not contain my sins in full I tell you what I can in hopes that god may forgive me some day for the things I have to keep from you," I notice the sound of his scrunched face in confusion.

"My dear child are these things you confess illegal?" His question makes my skin crawl but in true fashion, I try to avoid lying as best I can as in confessional I must confess sincerely and honestly in order to be cleansed of my sins.

"But that is not all Father for not only have I committed violence against my fellow man but I fear soon I may commit lustful acts" I take a deep breath. 

"I may not be able to see but each time she walks into a room my skin buzzes as if knowing she's there" I slowly forget I'm in a church as thoughts of her cloud my mind.

"She is followed by the scent of rose and sandalwood its as if she leaves a ghost of her everywhere she goes as if she is an angel sent from god to torment me with the need to prey to be able to see her in all her angelic glory as no words can properly describe her beauty as much as the when her angelic laugh fills the room and seems to echo in my ear long after she has left me morning her presence" I smile thinking of her laugh.

"she makes me feel like a pirate lost at sea drawn in by the songs she sings and the words she speaks... But Father she may be angelic but oh she is also a demon sent from satan to tempt me in such ways that I would rather worship her than god praying for a taste of the heaven between her thighs or to hear her holy voice be bathed in unholy words" I can feel my dick hearden at the thoughts planted in my head making her unheard screams of pleaser ring in my ears.

"She distracts me from all that I have worked hard for but oh I would throw it all away just to be able to pin her against the wall of my office with her skirt hiked up and legs wrapped around my waist or splayed out on my desk legs spread wide with me buried deep inside her and uttering soft curses and prayers to make it last forever for that is now how I envision my heaven to be" I can hear a hard swallow but I'm to into my thoughts to comprehend it is not my own.

"And as I am home alone with my thoughts images of her tied to my bed and dripping with sweat and desire as her legs shake and she begs me to let her cum as she whimpers and whines my name and curses that of god seem to pledge my mind... I take a deep breath at the image of her bare chest rising and falling as she lay splayed on the bed. I may not be able to see but lord can I imagine being ready to dive back in not wanting to be away from that heaven for even nearly a minute" I can feel my mouth run dry but still but yet still it drools at the imaginary sounds of hers running through my ears.

"For even if just to kiss her I would go to hell I would do so and then tell the devil I had seen heaven without stepping foot through the gate I would brag that I had heard angels sing without going to heaven at all" slowly my voice died out and oddly I felt a new still not quite comprehending what I had just confessed to the priest sat beside me his mouth agape with no word in sight. 

Slowly his words seem to come back to him as he clears his throat before he spoke "I must say I have yet to have heard quite the detail in a confession of that sort but if you truly feel this way about this woman look into yourself and see if it is she you truly want or if it is merely something else you seek... as for the violence you have inflicted on others try to resculpt your urge for violence into something more creative and less harmful" As he spoke I listened but already I knew that it was her I sought and her that I wished to place my violence in along with my want, need, care, and joy. 

I said the Act of Contrition expressing a wish to avoid sin. Father Lantom was quiet for a moment seeming to ponder what he wished to say before he said his absolutions and blessings. I thanked him as I left the confessional extending my cain again. Slowly my senses truly came back to me no longer fully clouded by the lust of my thoughts and with that the realization that a group of nuns was lined up by the confessional and some were blushing while others were scowling over what they had overheard me say.