Regret

Chapter 2

After he'd finally allowed Bai Luo Yin to leave the apartment, Gu Hai didn't see him for another 24 hours—24 excruciating hours. Hours of wondering what the hell was going through that annoying, beautiful boy's head. What did he mean: "I dislike you"?? The words echoed through his mind. Was he really serious? Was that truly what lay in his heart?

The next morning, Gu Hai rushed to Aunt Zou's breakfast stand, only to find their usual seat empty, the thick brown wood of the bench staring back at him mockingly. He swallowed. Was he avoiding him again? Out of the corner of his eye, he vaguely saw Aunt Zou staring at him as she went about her work, slowly ladling warm soy milk into paper cups. Gu Hai gave her a quick, obligatory nod, before hoping back on his bike, and speeding off toward Yin Zi's house. For once, he didn't have the stomach for breakfast.

***

His fist hit the cold, green metal of the front door. No answer. Again, he pounded, this time more fiercely. Finally, Bai Hanqi opened it a tiny crack, only allowing his eyes and forehead to venture outside.

"Hello, Da Hai," he said, quickly meeting his gaze before letting it fall to the ground. His smile seemed forced.

"Hello Uncle!" Gu Hai said with his usual warmth. He reached for the door. "Can I come in? Where's Yin Zi?"

Bai Hanqi cleared his throat, holding the door firmly in place. "He's not here," he said. There was a strain in his voice.

"Oh... where is he?"

Bai Hanqi kept his eyes on the pavement. He seemed to hesitate.

Gu Hai pulled slightly on the door again, but Bai Hanqi held it firm. With a pained expression he managed: "I'm very sorry Da Hai, but you cannot come in..."

Gu Hai stared back at him, the enthusiasm slowly draining from his face. "... Why? Did Yin Zi say...?"

At that, the door suddenly swung completely open. Bai Luo Yin pushed past his father. "Thanks, Dad," he said, giving him a nod. "You did well. I'll deal with him myself."

Bai Hanqi awkwardly seemed to shrink backward, disappearing into the recesses of the house. Bai Luo Yin, on the other hand, stepped into the ally, swinging the door shut behind him.

Gu Hai met Bai Lou Yin's eyes. They were cold.

"You can't come here anymore," he said slowly, his voice low.

Gu Hai stared back at his hardened face. "Why?" he asked, bitterly.

He didn't answer. He just continued to stare at him with a fierce, unwavering expression. It was a look that hadn't been there the day before—the kind of look, filled with firm resolve, that only comes from having reached a decision. It sent a chill through Gu Hai's spine.

Suddenly, a restless, desperate fury began to bubble up inside him. His breath quickened. Not caring who saw, he grabbed Bai Luo Yin chin, shoving him against the wall of his house, pressing his whole body against him. He breathed hard against his cheek. The feeling of Bai Luo Yin's warmth, combined with the rush of the moment, sent a fire coursing through him. He knew Yin Zi could feel him too—hard against his frame.

"I like you," he spat. Despite the softness of those words, his tone was anything but. "I was willing to tell you. To be honest with you. That's not an easy thing to do. And you... you didn't appreciate it!" He suddenly yelled, the spittle flying onto Bai Luo Yin's forehead. "You couldn't even tell me how you feel. I know you are lying!! I don't believe you do not like me!!"

Bai Luo Yin's expression didn't waver. He kept his eyes glued to Gu Hai. "You cannot come back here," he simply repeated.

Gu Hai stared back at him, his frustration reaching a fever pitch. "I will take you back to my house and keep you there as long as I need to... Don't think I won't do it!!"