Fuckin Stupid: A Onceler x Lorax Crack Story

The Flood of Gay

When the Lorax came up with his brilliant plan to get the Once-Ler out of the forest, he thought it would go perfectly. I mean of course he thought it would. It seems so simple, especially with lots of his animal friends helping him. It's just getting a bed into a river, no big deal!

But turns out, it all went to shit pretty fast. And of course, the Once-Ler has to get knocked out. And of course, someone has to give him CPR, because, you know, he might die. And of fucking course, it had to be the Lorax to do it. Why? Because the world just loves to torture the poor bastard.

And so, he did. But what the Lorax didn't expect was the Once-Ler to... hug him. Never before had anyone shown affection to the Lorax like the Once-Ler did. Sure, he had... let's just say, intimate encounters with the trees. But none more affectionate as his hug with the Once-Ler. But of course, like all good things in the world, it had to end eventually.

"Oh my god! Thank you so much for saving me! You have no idea how much it means to me!" Said the Once-Ler, with the biggest smile on his face.

For someone like the Lorax who doesn't encounter people like the Once-Ler often, it's was hard not to become enamoured by his sexy- I mean handsome- I mean nice smile.

"Oh... no problem." The Lorax said, with his cheeks red as ever before. "It was just saving your life... no biggie..."

"No biggie?! You just saved my life! I would call that more then 'no biggie'! But I've got to ask... how did I end up in the river anyway?"

For someone who claims to be smart, it should have been easy to explain the situation or come up with a lie, but all he could muster was,

"...Pssh...Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." The Lorax said, looking in the opposite direction as the Once-Ler stared at him baffled. "...what were we talking about again?"

"...You put me in the river, didn't you?"

"What?! No! Never... I mean, why would I put someone as devilishly handsome as you in a river?"

"...I'm out of here." The Once-Ler got up and started walking away.

"Wait!" The Lorax said as he chases after the Once-Ler. "Look, I know this looks bad-"

"Bad?! This is a fucking travesty! I mean, who in their right mind puts someone's bed in a fucking river?!"

"...Yeah it does sound really bad doesn't it?"

"Precisely!"

"But I only did it because you keep chopping down the trees! Don't you understand how bad this is?!"

"...I mean, yeah... but you don't understand. Those trees are helping me with my business. I'm using it for a product."

"What's the product called?"

"The Thneed."

"...You've got to be joking."

"...No...?"

It was at this moment that the Lorax couldn't contain himself anymore. He started laughing like a maniac.

"It's not funny!" Said the Once-Ler, his face red with embarrassment.

"Sorry... I'm so sorry..." Said the Lorax, trying to catch his breath. "It's just... the Thneed?! What kind of name is that?! What does it even mean?! And don't you dare lie about the meaning!"

"...A useless product."

The Lorax continued laughing as the Once-Ler got angrier.

"Hey shut up! It's supposed to be subversive!"

"How is a useless product being subversive?!"

"I... oh it doesn't matter! The point is that these trees are helping my business."

"Well, you know there are other ways to use the trees, right?"

"Like what?"

"...Just pick out the tufts?"

"...Oh...that could work."

"So do we have a deal my friend."

"It's a deal."

The two shake their hands. Both are surprised by how the other's hand feels so smooth. They both blush by this prospect but none say anything. The Once-Ler walks back to his house leaving a blushing Lorax staring in the distance. Pipsqueak notices and looked at him mischievously.

"Oh shut up!"