Dear Pippa

Part 3

January 30

I'm home again. I've managed for almost a month without talking to him, and Cassie.

I will probably message him later, see how his break has been.

I hope that things will go back to the way they were.

Or are at least partway there, because then there is hope.

February 2

School wasn't good. It was awkward. He couldn't meet my eyes.

I was so nervous going over to them this morning.

I don't think anything has changed. We still both have feelings for each other. I wonder... I wonder if we will be together again. If we do date again, I wonder how long it will take.

I hope that it does. In a way though, I don't think it will. I doubt that he will ever go against his parents, not even to follow his own heart.

February 4

With it being my birthday on the 14th I gave out invites today. I gave one to him, but I get the feeling that he won't come. I don't know why, but I do. I hope I'm wrong. Do you think I've made a mistake by asking him? You have no idea how much I hope I haven't. You have no idea how much.

Cassie might sleep over. It'll be good to have a girl night after everyone's gone, we haven't have one in ages.

February 6

I was right.

He says that he doesn't think it would be "appropriate" if he came. He is so infuriating sometimes!

Does he not think that I've been thinking about this for ages? That I haven't been arguing with myself about it?

Has he already forgotten that I overthink everything?

I want to scream at him, tell him to wake up, to snap out of this dream world that he is living in.

It's his birthday today. The boys all gave him birthday punches. He was watching me as they did. I couldn't read his expression. He hides his emotions too well sometimes.

February 8

I spoke to him today.

I asked him how it was not appropriate for him to come.

I asked if friends went to other friends' birthdays or was I sorely mistaken.

He said that he guessed I was right. He asked if I really wanted him to go.

Of course I bloody want him to come.

Would I have asked him to come if I didn't want him to?

So, after all that he is going to come. It won't be a mistake. I won't let it. It won't. It won't. It can't be. Can it? What do you think?

He thinks I'm trying to start something again. I'm not. I love him, but I'm not trying to start anything. Not right now anyway. I can survive just being friends, for now.