Dear Pippa

Part 7: Epilogue

May 16

Dear Pippa,

I'm sorry. This was never part of the plan. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

I... I love you. I do, you were right. You were right all along. I was just too stubborn to realise it.

Your mum gave me this, I wasn't sure why at first. Now I know why.

Cassie is a mess. She will be for a long time. She's lost her partner in crime. She blames herself for not stopping you. It's not her fault though, it's mine. Completely mine.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Pippa.

School is awful. Everyone is so miserable. Everywhere I look there is something that reminds me of you. I get pitying looks from all the teachers. I can't cope with it all. I've only been in once since. It hurts too much.

When Cass told me, I went into shock. I went completely numb. I didn't feel anything, couldn't hear anything. That one line was just rattling around in my brain. Around and around as I tried to comprehend it. I only snapped out of my trance when I heard her crying. She was watching me, tears streaming down her face.

Mum doesn't know what to do with me.

I miss you. I miss you so much. Your beautiful smile, your laugh. Your sarcasm. Everything that makes you, you.

It feels like only yesterday you were leaning against me, eating lunch with Cassie. But it wasn't yesterday. It was months ago. How can so much change so fast? One minute you're here, the next you are gone.

Your mum asked me to speak. I wrote something, I was going to try to speak for you, to you. I couldn't though. Cassie tried. Cody didn't stop crying. He just wants his big sister back. Not that anyone blames him.

I wish I could ask you to forgive me for my stupidity, but it's too late for that now. I realised too late. I only realised what I had when it was gone. I had you, you had me. Now I don't have anybody and you don't need anyone.

I love you Pippa. I will always love you. I will never love someone else like I love you.

I will never forget you, even if I forget everything else. I will always remember you.