Will you love me when my heart beat stops? (HaileeSteinfeldxFemReader Imagines)

*Grace*

TW: „straight" main character, heavy make-out

A/n: there are 2 song mentions. One should be very obvious, one not as obvious as the other one. Im curious who gets it (not katy perry or taylor swift!)

A/n: if you arent comfortable with reading heavy make out, you should probably dont read this story

!THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!

Wordcount: 1969

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„Y/n?" „Yes, Alex?" „I love you" Your heartbeat stops for a second. Then you press out „I love you too" 

Alex smiles. He kisses you again. Of course you kiss back, but it feels different. Alex' tongue makes slowly but surely its way into your mouth. You want to stop him, but you can't.

His hands glide down your side to your hips. You press your eyes closer together. 

'Does he want... THIS?' 'Are we going to have sex?' 'Is he going to fuck me?' 'No, i dont want sex!' 'What should i do?'

The thoughts in your head are going up and down. You have no overview any longer. 

Next thing you know is Alex' fingers on your pants button, trying to unbutton it.

"Stop" you whisper "Please stop, Alex, please"

 Alex takes his hand back and looks at you with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Why? I mean, I dont wanna push you to do anything, really, I would never! 

I promise! I wont do anything if you're not ready for it!

But... did I do something wrong?

Oh my god! The I love you from before! That's the reason, right? You're overwhelmed now! I'm so sorry, babe, I-"

"Shhhh" you put your index finger on his lips. "Alex... you did nothing wrong.

Really! It's just... I dont want this..."

"You dont want sex with me?" He asks

"No... yes.. I dont know" you whisper

Alex places his hands around your face and forces you to look up.

"You know, you can tell me everything, right? It's ok!"

"You won't be mad or anything? Or hate me?"

"No! I mean, if you tell me you've cheated on me with some ugly boy like Lucas and now you're leaving me for him - I'm sorry, I shouldn't be joking"

"Lucas?" You laugh. "Lucas is like the worst boy you could ever cheat with..."

Alex laughs too. 

"I would never cheat on you with some ugly boy, okay? Not even with a pretty boy. The thing is... I ... I think that I'm a ..." 

"A what?"

"A ... lesbian" you whisper, close to tears.

"So, like, you like girls?" Alex asks stunned. 

You nod and can't hold back the tears any longer.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't cry, baby, don't cry" he softly wipes your tears away. "Just tell me, what makes you think that?"

You swallow. "I- I kissed a girl. A-And I was a little bit drunk maybe ... and we ... maybe kinda had sex? Like, you know ... two girls ... and since then I always thought of this- this kiss and how it felt and ... when you kiss me, I think of it too. A-and I really liked the kiss. I mean, your a damn good guy and ... and ... so ... perfect, I really don't wanna break your heart. But ... if you really ... love me... I guess I have to. So,... please tell me, how to break your heart with grace. You're really a damn good guy and you give me everything I need and more, and your love is surely true love, but ...  but I ... like girls?" You whisper, you almost can't hear yourself.