12:27 am
The days are the easiest to get through. It's the nights that keep me awake.
When everyone is asleep and I have nothing but my own thoughts to listen to.
Persuading myself that I am truly alone and I am at fault for it.
During the daylight, I can joke and laugh and smile. I can converse and talk and be "me".
I can distract and fill the void with a multitude of task.
During the night I lay awake beside a sleeping child and partner and wonder what I did wrong to feel the way I do.
Revisit every wrong move or word I've done in the daytime.
Tell myself that the next day I will be silent. I will not be "me".
I will have control over the person I am when the world around me is awake and active.
Until the morning comes I go through my innermost regrets and turmoils.
Maybe in the daylight I will be substantial.
