Freedom - John Shelby

3

It had now been a month since Alice arrived back in Birmingham and things were starting to actually feel better for her. She'd spent a lot of time with Ada and Karl, something which provided profound comfort to the woman who'd been practically completely alone for years. There were times when she would just cry and cry into Ada's lap for hours. But most days spent with Ada the presence of the playful and innocent Karl would soothe her greatly, as she'd all but forgotten about the joys of childhood.

The physical injuries left behind by Jones were gradually healing, as were some of her mental anxieties, meaning she wanted to get back into the real world. To stop moping around in self pity all day. As a stepping stone, she started to help out in the shop - mostly cleaning and making cups of tea - which also helped to keep her frantic mind busy when Ada or Karl weren't around. Her cleaning even spread past the shop and into the rest of the Shelby house, scrubbing the floors and dusting the furniture.

Polly had insisted that she didn't need to do such things - claiming she owed her nothing - but that did nothing to stop the younger woman. And besides, helping out around the shop also meant that she got to see John more, even if it was only for a few minutes on some days.

Ever since that twilight they'd spent chatting in his bed, the two had been secretly obsessed with each other, having many more midnight chats. The conversation topic never got too deep again, but was enough for both of them to get a sense of how intelligent and aware yet simultaneously damaged and in denial the other were.

When they weren't able to spend these nights chatting away because the house was full or John wasn't there, Alice's bedtime thoughts were loud, vicious and scary - sometimes needing blood to make them stop. The presence of this sweet man hadn't healed her trauma but now there was a silver lining to the dark thoughts; a fresh flower in a wilted field that gave the damaged girl some kind of hope.

John was having similar feelings; his dreams being less about the war and more about the brunette. Partially, he was fearful of his feelings for her, thinking back to the destructive and careless girl he knew growing up. How badly he pined for her and how unattainable she'd been.

But mostly, it was an instant aphrodisiac to be in her presence, his eyes transfixed as soon as she entered the room.

They both craved more than just their casual shop conversations and careful late night chats, it was clear in the lingering gazes. Neither of them felt brave enough to initiate it though, even with the countless signals being sent both ways.

That was until a random Wednesday evening, when Tommy called Alice into his office, right in the middle of her talking to John.

His mind instantly went to the worst places and he found himself having to pace outside with a cigarette between his lips whilst he calmed himself down. Being in Tommy's shadow was tiring, as was taking orders from him - no questions asked. Even during childhood, John found himself being second to Tommy, third to Arthur and sometimes even fourth to Freddie Thorne when he was around. This left the younger man with a hidden sense of inadequacy compared to his brothers and partial desire to prove himself better than other men.

"If Tommy wants her, he'll have her." He angrily thought to himself. "And she'll definitely want Tommy. Every fucking woman does."

Throwing his cigarette onto the ground, John paced back into the house and grabbed his cap and coat before going straight to The Garrison, planning to drown his troubles in a drink.