You were never mine | gongfourz

[1]

The first chapter: seeing u after a while made me jump on cloud nine

Holy shit. Did I just see him after years? Am I for real? I can't believe. My god what the fuck. He looks taller, and his hair... is grown. His features have become sharp and damn, his voice-had also hit puberty. God. What did I just see. A blissful view.

We were at the school ground and I had just seen him after three or four years. We were supposed to sit for an assembly, and his clsss and our class were queued parallel to each other, so I had him sit five centimetres away from me.It was extremely formidable.

Most of the time, I spent this in silence. I was trying to sneak stares at him but I also didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. He talked with the so called Sungho who was known for being academically valid. Nerd image? I think so. Maybe Sungho and him gradually became best friends? Who knows?

Honestly, I could feel bursts of excitement blast like nuclear bombs. Like it's the first time I've seen him in my life, such a beautiful view. The fact that he's even prettier- just mesmerises me. Oh how I wish I talked to him. I just don't know how to talk, plus he'll find it weird. Everytime I look at him, I always feel embarrassed.

Once this ended, I was relieved yet a bit sad. That was because I'm not going to see him again after this. I'll probably do during an event, but it's once in a blue moon. He's on the other side of the building, and it's sad because I never have the confidence to go there(I don't like the people)

We went back to our classes, sat on our respective seats and I turned back my chair to talk to the guy who was sitting behind me. He seems pretty nice.

"I think I should tell you about this. Don't tell anyone!" I whispered to Jaehyun. He nodded at me and swore that he wouldn't snitch. "Uh so do you know this guy named Leehan?" I asked this to him. He shook his head. Phew. No potential contact or life risk. Plus, Leehan was a new join at fifth grade and in fifth grade we were all categorised into the education board we wanted to chose:State board or IB. Me, who was an idiot, of course chose the worse way-IB. But, hey? Higher risk leads to higher benefit. So after fifth grade, I know nothing about the people of the state board, so did they. That's why Jaehyun must've probably not known him.

"Why, what happened." He asked me back. "Ah, you see, there's this guy with long hair and sharp features, he was my crush back in fifth grade." I answered to him, maybe he will have an idea now. Jaehyun kind of gasped. "Huh? Aren't you dating someone else?" The only question he could ask me. I shook my head. Like when am I even in a relationship with someone??

But maybe Jaehyun doesn't know much about my love life, since I've been talking to him after a long time (maybe 7-8 years) and there was completely no contact with each other. Plus, we've barely talked and this might be one of our longest conversation till date. Id say the frequency of us having short conversations nowadays are more since I broke ties with two girls and a guy in our class so Ive been talking to them no more and shifted my places. At first, it feels absolutely lonely without them. I still do, but not as much as before.

About Jaehyun asking me whether I was with someone, I think he was talking about Heejin. He must've overheard or I must've told him that I was in a relationship with her. Silly me. I used to brag about this all the time. Haha.

"Oh you're talking about Heejin? We broke up long back. Didn't I tell the whole class about it?" I finally caught up with a response. He wasn't shocked at all, break ups are that common. "I mean, your choice."

"So uh, what about that Leehan guy?" He made sure that we aren't drifting away from our conversation. "Uh oh, so I saw him after lockdown and I just don't know what to feel about it. I mean, he looks attractive." I started telling how I feel to him.  

"First of all, I never knew that you were actually gay." Jaehyun pointed that to me. Oh yeah, many people think I am straight and not gay because there are many homophobes in my class including them. Them in the context of my three ex best friends. It's genuinely awkward to be around them now. "Second of all, I think you might just still like him." He continued telling me. "Ah, do I?" I start thinking of him and I just couldn't help but think of the past. How beautiful he is then and now.

Even though he still looks hella handsome, I still don't know how is he like personality wise. Is he rude? Or is he cold to me? Well, that doesn't matter because I'm never going to talk to him nor will he because he probably doesn't recognise me.

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Le fin de première chapitre <3