Running On Caffeine Not Adrenaline

Chapter 21

TW: Isolation

I'm in my apartment, curled by the sleeping Nova. I told my work that I quit, and I stuffed myself into my apartment. I have enough in savings to last me a few years, even with another person. I just needed alone, assurance. I've been going to my therapy appointments and Ant is highly concerned for my health. Everyone seems to be doing that. Drista even stopped by last week. She slapped me for quitting. She screamed and insulted me, but I felt too numb to care. She came the next day apologizing and gave me food. She talked about the workplace, how Ranboo is now the manager and things like that. I didn't say anything until she left, "Bye Drista." It sounded so cold.

I don't know what's happening. Ever since I met my biological parents I've been wanting to spiral. I don't want to snap at anybody and risk damaging anyone. I can't even be a proper vigilante. I can't watch the news without going into a panic attack.

It's been over two months and Nova isn't awake.

...

I stare at my reflection, and I look like shit. "Woah, what the fuck happened while I was asleep?" I turn and see the familiar face. I hugged him, tightly. "So, fucking much. I met my biological parents, quit my job, trying so hard not to spiral." I started crying. "Uh- buddy...Have you even been outside?" I nod into his shoulder. "Ant would kill me if I didn't show up for therapy." I pulled away. "I...Woah." He seemed to get the jist. "Okay, you need to work out your shit. Go for a swim." He pats my back and then leaves the apartment. A swim doesn't sound too bad.

...

I sit by the ocean. It's warm out. Then the sun sets over the horizon. The tide is coming back up, I stand. I walk deeper into the water. It's cold. Freezing but it feels like so many worries have washed away. Just like the waves passing over me. I control my breathing; I feel more myself. I feel like I have energy.

This grounded me fully. Something I hadn't felt for a while now.

...

I walked through Kinoko park. I saw my favorite poly group. "Hey!" I wave as I walk over. The three looked over stunned to see me. I would too if a fifteen-year-old isolated himself for a little over two months. "Why are you wet?" I can't help but smile. "I jumped into a creek. No-Purpled woke up and suggested I take a swim. So, I went to the ocean, and I felt...a lot better. After that I came back here and the creek was calling me, I couldn't help myself." I laugh. I haven't laughed in a while. It hurts my stomach with joy. "Well, we're glad you're getting better." Karl seemed to beam when he saw I was better. "How are you guys? Hopefully my absence hasn't given you guys to much work." I am an active vigilante after all. I helped out a lot with the crime rates. "It's been hell." The two heroes seem to sink into the bench. "It doesn't help that I am being very active." Jester, a big-time villain as of recent. I tried watching the news one night and ended up having a panic attack. So, I didn't watch the news after that. "Must be fun. I still don't understand how your guy's relationship works." I tilt my head at them. "I don't kill people but I'm a criminal, these two have killed many people and are heroes." Quackity stares at them. I feel like he doesn't like that they've killed people. "It just...We're more open minded than people think. If it works, then it works." They were just so chill about it.

Life just needs to get back on track and I think I'll live how I want.