Pierrot's Journey: A Monologue

Chapter 1: The Journey

I hated my life, it is full of deceit that I don't even knew of. I wanted to kill those who I hated, yet the strings of life denies that fact. I am just a lonely clown, only there to make people smile, while I cry for the things I am sick of. I have a good and kind family, but I lost counts of my disappointment. They care for me, They love me, yet all I can feel is sadness. My head is wavering of the lingering darkness that's sleep inside my heart. I swear that I shan't kill those I love, yet I killed the thing that I loved..., my being itself.

Hah..oh how I wish to see the gentle sun that shines before my tearful mask. A light that only I know, The God whom I loved that shone over me always...yet darkness always whisper behind my big fragile ear, "hear me, clown. You are mine, and that light doesn't deserve you..."

I heard and I heard its whisper, my benevolent and giant heart waver and sank to the bottomless darkness. No voice I called, Help itself is just the words of a fool, I can't breathe the life I yearn. Do I feel despondent? Do the inner-demons of I, Pierrot, hold me to the dark corridor of nothingness? I can't see, I can't hear, and I can't talk. Life has failed me, and I weep for the sake of a new dawn.

Do I own my life or not, I do not know. My pitiful soul has been chained down into this black and bottomless reality. A sin of what I wrote in my previous life has become the chains of causality in my soul. Oh my Lord, I only seek for your glory, I believe that you will come, and yet why aren't you appearing before me? I sat beneath the beautiful, yet lonely moon. I cried, " Lord! Where are you when I need you? Where do I cry when the world hates me?" No sound that can reach my pitiful heart, yet a small sound echoes through my heart. "I will always be here, just be patient. Wherever you are, I will always see you no matter what." Said the small voice.

Oh what a joy I heard, oh what a joy...yet I glared to dark floor as I see a reflection of memories. One by one, a fragment of pain stabs this pitiful heart. That time I realized, "ah..hello darkness my friend, it seems I fall into you is it?" Oh what a sad thing I say, oh what a sad thing. I, Pierrot, do not what or why I must do it, yet I stated,"I shan't rest, I shan't rest". As I stare to the nothing, a white light path that I never knew appeared.

"I won't rest, oh I won't rest", I said it as I continue towards a journey of the adventurous, yet fearful of the dark.