Pierrot's Journey: A Monologue

Chapter 3: Forgive and The Lost

Do I yield in the name of forgiveness or shall I strive for the sufferings of the world? I can't believe to the me that I walk right now. That's right, I, the infamous yet the weak Pierrot. I have seen the meaning of to be darkness. I have realized that I am a dark being that has been consumed mostly all of me, yet the fool will always cling to sheer of light.

I don't know what can be done by this unfaithful hands. I found a certain jewel where it shown me a truly magnificent glow. It shone light brightest star in the galaxy, I was amazed by its dignity. It shown me the struggle of life and the result of it. The flaw of it cannot be repaired, but can only be tempered with sheer will. I hold fast to that jewel, but a certain whisper came to my ear. "Do you have the will to guard it?", dark and cold presence engulf my very existence. Nothing but dark has become the very vision of what I see.

I became afraid if the jewel would break or disappear. Alas I realize a part of me that became who I am. I am a clown of contradiction. I comply to do something that I hate, yet I did it. I have contradict the pleasure for what I take, and the dread of what happens. I can't hold on to it, but yet I saw a person who have helped the jewel to be glamorous. I gave it to him, and disappear into the dark. Do I regret? I cannot say. Do I deserve to be happy, do the people even want me to be happy? Life is such a humorous thing for me to think.

Lust, its name has seduced me once more, bringing me to depths of pitch darkness. I couldn't hope for the best, yet a small cheer came to me, the defeated Pierrot. "Don't you give up on me, Pierrot" strength came to my broken body, I wanted to rest, I wanted to gone to the darkness I yearn for, yet I have been sent back to the world I hated and loved. I have friends, I have best friends, but none could fill the emptiness of life. I became what I've created, a mistrustful person. Hah the world has said me a certain, yet heavy words: "the very reason you can't cry"

A fact to be true, can't complain about it for I have lost the meaning of feeling my emotion. Fools only look the outside, nobody could differ this adaptive clown, yet emotion it is that has been lost to me. I have no feeling anymore, the same as I hold a small thorny rose with my bare hand. All I could feel would be pain, but none of it appears. I look to the mirror, and only I could see that I have been engulfed by the darkness I created.

Long I have felt it, and none could save me. I worry for others, others worry for me, some don't, do I deserve to live in this agony? No more I could ask from a person who doesn't know the meaning of what a clown is.
I cast upon my selfish desires of the world, in exchange of the loss of life inside this heart of mine. The lion has left this very heart.