a flower & a sword

AN EXCERPT

I'VE BEEN QUITE silent regarding the development of The Ballad of Eternal Glory, so here's a glance at the prologue of the story! I'm expecting to start publishing this book in August, when I should be around twenty-ish chapters in? But it might take longer since I'm juggling three novels at once.

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  IT IS A miraculous experience, watching the rise and fall and rise again of a family. Even all these years later, those memories remain starkly clear in my mind. Of my cousins, of my uncle, of all those plots and schemes hiding beneath the glistening surface of Luoyang. Of the lies of the powerful and the suffering of the poor. Of the start of young love and the eventual heartbreak in the face of family, honour and power.

Those were the best and worst years of my life, I think. It's been more than fifty years since I was first summoned to my family. Fifty years since my life was changed forever. I do not regret that. But sometimes I regret not stopping the chain of events that happened after.

But it is too late to speak of those things. There is no point in thinking about what I could have done and should have done when it is all long past me.

My husband tells me I could have done nothing to stop anything. That the chain of events had been started long before I'd even become a participant. But sometimes I see him staring out of the window, troubled, and I think he doubts the truth of those words too.

But what could we have done?

We live a good life here, out in the countryside. I think we left Luoyang at the right time all those years ago. I am glad my daughter did not grow up in the complicated society of the aristocracy. I am glad she was able to grow up surrounded by simpler farmers and villagers. The few officials and nobles around treat us with respect. Why wouldn't they? My husband is a member of the royal family, no matter how distant. I am cousin to the Empress Dowager.

But the peace and quiet, I think, leaves us with far too much time to think.

Which is why I am writing this. Which is why I am writing down what truly happened all those years ago. The imperial scribes and historians are no doubt busy now, with the end of such an era. But they were not there when it all happened. They were not in the room, they were not sitting at that table.

I was.

I do not know if I should call it a gift or a curse. Perhaps it is a little bit of both.

Some of the things that happened, some of those decisions that were made while I just watched would haunt me forever. They haunt me still. Names, faces, the people who were killed or exiled for the world to be the way it is now.

Some people may call me a remarkable woman. I do not think so. I think I am a coward. I have been all my life. Before, I thought I was merely an observer. Someone who did not like to participate. But now I know, I have always been dominated by fear.

But let me tell you who I am. My name is Fei Minxi. I am the wife of Prince Duan, whose father was bestowed the title as the uncle of the late Emperor. I am a lady of imperial mandate. My father was a Surveillance Commissioner, trusted by the Imperial family. I am the niece of the late Grand Chancellor, Shangguan An.

It is ironic to me now, that I was once content with living in a city far away from the capital, with the expectation of marrying an official just like my father and enjoying a peaceful life. But then again, I do not think my fifteen year old self ever expected to yearn for that life again after so many years in the grandeur and exuberance of Luoyang.

I must be boring you now. I am not writing to express my exclamations regarding life, or how my philosophy has changed. Or how my lust for the richness and the bright lanterns of night-time Luoyang once fuelled my very soul, but now has been reduced to nothing.

Let me tell you the true main characters of this story, because it was not me. As I said, I was the observer. I was the invisible one, the one no one paid attention to.

The people you need to know are my cousins. Yunhua, my glorious eldest cousin. She was born one year earlier than I, but looking at her I felt decades younger. I was jealous of her when I was younger. I am not now. All she ever wanted was to climb higher, to get to the highest position of all. And she succeeded, of course, because Shangguan Yunhua always succeeds in her plans. Her birth promised her majesty, and she fulfilled that oath many years ago. I do not know if she was content after it.

Yunjun, who I admired but never wanted to be. When the world said that women could not fight, she showed them the truth. She was twice as vicious and skilled as any man the Dan Dynasty had ever seen. The people who once scoffed and spat upon her for thinking she could do what a man did now sing songs in her honour and praise her name. Yet they do not know her pain.

And then, Yunxuan. The perfect lady. The youngest. The daughter of the concubine, who made a name for herself by being so utterly perfect. For never saying a word out of place. For always impressing everyone with her grace, humility and beauty. Once, she'd been everything I wanted to be.

I do not think it was stupid of me to have adored them so. They were all great people. Some of the smartest people I've ever met. I could not do half the things they did, and we were all so young back then. They were more gods than people to me, I think, and even now I look back upon those days and marvel.

But let me tell you now, of what happened in those years I was in Luoyang.

It is a long tale. Of love, of betrayal, of power.

It is the best kind of tale.

—

lemme tell you, this book is going to be DRAMATIC. imagine those historical cdramas. it's going to start off a bit slow bc it only gets to the politic intrigue and whatnot around halfway through the novel, but i am EXCITED to show y'all what i have planned for this novel :)))))))