I Am Not Yours

Aftermath

November 1912

Abigail was halfway through the woods when she finally stopped, hearing the creek nearby, and she felt her heart pounding as if to escape her chest. She took a deep breath, placing a hand over her mouth, asking herself what did she just do. She could still feel Henry's aftermath of his climax inside her, trickling down her inner thighs and she felt a heat wave run through her body. Immense guilt and shame overcame her and she just stood there, frozen, before she could finally move.

She followed the sound of the creek until she reached it. Her eyes roamed the area. The grass blowing in the breeze as the sun shone on the mobile water reminded her of that first morning with Henry and she shivered. "What have I done?" She asked herself as another feeling crept over her. She was a whore, a sexual deviant, a concubine. If anyone in town found out what she had just done...no one would look at her the same way. They would believe that she was sleeping with Henry all along in order to frame Noah for the mining accident. They would no longer come to her for advice or come to her cafe for that matter. They were not married and she let him touch her in ways that were quite unholy. She could never forgive herself for this. She WOULD never forgive herself for this.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a cracking twig and footsteps nearby. She turned to see that Henry had also made his way down to the creek after what had happened. Instinctively, she took a step back from him though he was yards away from her.

"I-...I'll go." Henry turned to head back toward his house, but Abigail stopped him.

"No...I was just leaving." She gave him more attitude than he was even used to.

The widow sauntered passed Henry, disappearing through the trees to head home as stray tears of shame, guilt, and even embarrassment, ran down her cheeks.

Henry turned to watch her leave, wondering why she had come back to their spot in the first place. Of course it was NOT their spot, but he had been calling it that (to himself) for nearly twenty years and he wasn't going to stop now. He sighed once Abigail was out of sight and walked to the spot where they had sat all those years ago with their fishing rods and he remembered asking her to fish with him regularly each morning. That, of course, never happened once their rivalry began after he'd heard she was married. But NOW...a part of him regretted being so angry with her, because he knew they could have been great friends had he not taken his frustrations out on Noah.

He sat down on their spot and looked out at the water, his confusion only growing the more he thought about what had just happened. It didn't take him long to feel his satisfaction turn to mortification. Had he taken advantage of her? Had he hurt her? He was so confused yet he felt dirty. He felt like a predator and wondered if Abigail thought of him as one. Most of all, he felt guilty. Guilty for enjoying what they had done. Abigail didn't deserve that. She was too good for him. Too good for this town, this WORLD. And he had just done something that could never be undone. His need for her to want him dissipated into a need for her to forgive him. For everything he'd done. But most of all...for touching her. He didn't feel worthy of touching her or kissing her or making her feel good.

He wasn't good enough for her and he never would be. The last twenty minutes had happened so fast that he couldn't even fathom entirely what they had done or why they had done it. It didn't matter though. What's done is done and he had ruined the best person he had ever met. He felt dirty and he knew that the hatred she felt for him could only have gotten worse after what just happened.

Now, NO ONE in town would ever forgive him. He ruined their golden girl and he would face a reckoning if they ever found out what he'd done.

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