delightful fantasies / h.s.

day 12-april 2 2013

dear diary,

Harry was pronounced dead at 12:56 am last night. The doctors told me that it was all up to him to keep trying and I guess he just couldn't do it anymore. The police found the guy who crashed into us and it turned out to be Harry's father. He was sentenced to life in prison without bail. I cried so much last night that I've finally ran out of tears. Earlier today, my friend Alex told be that I looked dead. I mean, I might as well be dead now that Harry isn't with me. I know it seems like I've known him for a short time, but to me, it felt like an eternity. After Alex left, I sat on my couch and watched tv all day. I didn't eat one single thing today, even though Alex brought me lunch earlier. I'm so depressed that Harry is gone. He the only person who truly made me feel like myself. And now he's gone, all because of me... After a day of thinking, I decided to finally get up from the couch and go to the bathroom. I looked in the cabinet for headache medicine since I have grown a migraine from all the thinking. I grabbed the bottle and took two pills before setting it back into the cabinet. I was about to go sit back on the couch when I stopped and grabbed the bottle again. I poured almost all of the bottle into my hand and thought. This way I could be with Harry. I could never forgive myself for doing that to him so why hate myself all my life when I could just end it now. I raised my hand up to my mouth and was about to pour the pills into my mouth when my eyes traveled over to a picture of Harry and I. It was from our first date. We both were smiling so big while Harry took the photo. We were so happy together. Why did I have to ruin everything. The question "Would Harry want you to do this?" popped into my head. I thought about this long and hard. Harry would never want me to do this. He'd want me to stop blaming myself for all of this and to move on from him. But you know what. I'm a selfish person. And I could never move on from Harry. He is the love of my life and I promised myself I would see him soon. I swallowed the pills and laid on my bed, waiting for them to take over. While waiting, I wrote a letter to Alex and my parents saying how sorry I am and how much I love them. I soon started to feel super dizzy. I knew this was it. This is when I was going to die. I felt tired so I closed my eyes and faded into darkness. I'm beginning to think that this was the last time that

I woke up.