Shattered Souls

Chapter 10

I'd been half-right—Raina's face and voice did haunt my restless sleep, but it wasn't memories of our friendship that floated through my subconscious. No, it was her tear-streaked face, the sound of her begging and screaming that played over and over until I awoke, biting back a scream, tears of my own sliding down my cheeks.

I knew almost better than anyone how manipulative someone could be to gain your trust, but for someone to come after a mermaid as sweet as Raina... I shook my head, silent sobs shuddering through my body. Despite our brief friendship, I'd come to see her as a sister. I'd thought that by helping her through her trauma, she could help me process my own.

Because even though I thought I'd put our birth father's death behind me, I hadn't. Recently, his last words had a habit of resurfacing over and over in my mind, bringing a fresh wave of grief and sorrow. "'I know I haven't always been the best father, but I truly believe this is the only way to atone for my sins. And the only way I'll get to see Carla again.'"

I hadn't thought about him in years, but lately, his face would reappear in my mind, drawing me from a meal or conversation. Even though a part of me would always feel resentment toward him for what he'd done to our family, I still foolishly wished I'd had more time with him. I realized I struggled with abandonment issues right after Mom and Dad adopted us.

Even though I wouldn't trade them for the world, I was tired of everyone leaving. I was tired of giving my trust and having it broken repeatedly. I didn't—and would never—resent Drew, but part of me wished I could remember more of our childhood, so I at least had a few memories of our birth father, brief as they might have been.

When I opened my eyes, the tears came back in full force. I tried to silence them, but a sob slipped out anyway. When I'd first met Raina, I immediately wanted to help her, but I'd also been terrified of getting close to her lest she eventually leave. Crazy as it sounded, I couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with me.

Why did everyone eventually—regardless of circumstance—leave? Wasn't I worth sticking around for? It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours since she'd left, yet I still felt her absence like a gaping hole in my chest. I turned on my side, folding an arm under my head.

Even with Jonah—though I could feel his love in every touch, gesture, and word he spoke—a small voice in the very back of my head warned me that, eventually, he would end up leaving as well. I tried to block out that voice, but the seed of doubt had already been planted.

My body shook with silent sobs as tears slipped down my cheeks. Jonah took a breath as he rolled over in his sleep, wrapping an arm around me. I tried to remain silent lest my cries wake him and invite questions and concern. After a few minutes of lying awake, I swam out of bed, slipped out of our room, and headed to the sitting room. It was only when I sat down and wrapped a throw blanket over my shoulders that I realized I was shaking.

Free to release the pent-up sadness, grief, and regret inside me, I cried out, the sound echoing in the silence. Gasping sobs ripped from my chest, each breath like a dagger to my heart. More than anything, I worried that despite her leaving, Zander would still find a way to target Raina. The thought of her dying while I could have done something to prevent it only made me cry harder. When I heard the door creak open, I jumped, hurriedly wiping my cheeks.

A deep, concerned voice filled the silence. "Faye? Are you okay?" I could hear the worry in Drew's voice, his words. Tears leaked down my cheeks at his voice, everything hitting me all over again.

He swam towards me, face creased in worry. When he glimpsed my own, a soft sigh escaped his lips. "Oh, Faye," he murmured.

Once I opened my mouth, it was like a dam breaking. "I—I should have anticipated this," I whispered, my voice hollow. "Maybe if I had, I could have done something to prevent it. Maybe then she would still be here. If nothing else, I could have at least tried to help..." The rest of my words were drowned in a torrent of grief and tears.