Shattered Souls

Chapter 4

I tossed and turned as the hours ticked on, unable to banish our birth mother from my mind, her words replaying constantly. "'Keep your loved ones close; they will center and guide you. But always be on guard for those who will trick and deceive you. They may come disguised as a friend, and it will be your job to reveal them as a foe.'"

When my eyes opened, I didn't flinch. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, my breath coming hard as if I'd just swum a great distance. What did it all mean? Was I meant to venture outside Pelathas, indeed face something worse than Kailani?

I glanced over my shoulder to where Jonah slept in his usual chair, his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm. More than that, though, it made me reevaluate all my relationships. Who could I genuinely trust beyond a shadow of a doubt?

At first, the names came quickly. Mom; Dad; Drew; Waverly; Laguna; Jonah. After the latter, though, I came up empty. I wouldn't put it past Kailani or Mica to double-cross me, despite the former's connection to Waverly. After everything the three of us had been through, I would hardly call us friends.

With a heavy sigh, I quietly swam out of bed, grabbing my cloak from where I'd tossed it on a chair near the bed. I opened the door soundlessly, closing it behind me with barely a click. Jonah snorted as he stirred but didn't open his eyes.

Taking a shaky breath, I shored up my courage and swam to a place I hadn't visited near as often as I should have: my birth mother's grave. Mom and Dad had told me about how Aunt Nerissa's aunt had had them precisely placed here. Whether it had been because of her guilt or a chance to atone for her sins, I don't know.

None of them liked to speak about Carla or Ella very much. I knew that Aunt Nerissa and Uncle Jay had been closest to them; I'd heard the story countless times over the years—how the former's generosity and kindness had brought light to a world that had since been dark. I slowed as I reached a familiar gravestone, startling myself.

Decades of erosion and abuse from the elements had warped the words to where they were indecipherable, yet I'd memorized the inscription. Tears filled my eyes as I reached out with a trembling hand to touch the first grave, a broken sigh escaping my lips. Here lies Arabella Grace Mercer, a light in the darkness and a soul whose life was taken from these waters too soon. May she feel no pain as her soul rests for eternity.

Carla's grave was identical to Ella's, the name inscribed on the stone the only difference. Here lies Carla Sydney Mercer, a light in the darkness and a soul whose life was taken from these waters too soon. May she feel no pain as her soul rests for eternity.

My breath caught on a sob as the former's words from the previous night's dream floated through my head. '"Your heart is so heavy—burdened by your past mistakes and failures. You're so tired—of being strong, suffering, and simply feeling.'" 

The words unearthed something deep inside me that I thought I'd successfully locked away. More than anything, I wish I'd had more time with both of them. I'd barely been a year old when they died; I didn't even remember the sound of my sister's voice, much less what she looked like. I didn't try to silence the cry that broke from my lips; heartbreak, grief, anger, and regret fused into a single sound. 

Once the tears started, they didn't stop. "Why?" I cried out, my voice reverberating in the silence that had settled over the water. "What did I do to deserve this?" The words echoed until they bounced off the rocks surrounding me, the question that had been in my heart for so long finally out in the open.

The question I think everyone (at some point in their lives when faced with a similar situation) asks themselves. I was so heavy with heartbreak, grief, and longing that I felt myself sinking through the water until my tail brushed the seafloor. A gray, suffocating cloud descended over me, making me forget what I was doing and where I was going.