Shattered Souls

Chapter 12

Nightmares haunted my restless sleep, driven by my fear and grief for Jonah. It was the same thing: Jonah being lifted off me and thrown across the room. I would remember that muffled thud for the rest of my life—the sound of his body hitting the wall. I couldn't stop seeing it.

Whether it was a product of my grief-addled mind, or something completely different, I had no idea. My body shook with silent sobs as I awoke in the chair beside Jonah's bed, the place where I'd spent the better part of the last 24 hours. I hadn't been able to rest for more than a few minutes at a time, terrified that he would flatline again while I slept. I lifted my head from where it rested by his arm, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

He didn't so much as twitch. The ventilator beeped occasionally, followed by his chest rising and falling, the only indicator he was breathing. My vision blurred as tears cascaded down my cheeks. When the door cracked open, I was out of the chair in a heartbeat. Waverly's face was lined with worry and sympathy. "Faye?" She whispered.

Even the sound of her voice was enough to bring me to tears. I took a stroke toward her and faltered. Her eyes widened as she rushed to catch me. Just when I thought I'd run out of tears, everything would hit me, and I'd be sobbing again. She never said a word, only held me and rubbed my back. It wasn't until my face and eyes began to feel puffy that my sobs finally slowed to sniffles, then choked gasps. When I lifted my head from her shoulder, she gently took my hand.

"How is he?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper. I followed her gaze to where he lay motionless in the bed, biting back yet another sob. We didn't say anything for the next few moments, the steady beeping of the ventilator the only sound.

My voice was hoarse when I finally spoke. "No change. He hasn't woken up, but he hasn't flatlined again."

Waverly looked down to where my hand rested gently on his arm. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears leaking as I struggled to hold back sobs. Then, in a voice so low I wasn't sure she'd be able to hear me, "This is all my fault." There it was. The truth I hadn't been able to admit to anyone—not even myself.

She looked from me to Jonah, taking a deep breath. "This is not on you, Faye. You can't blame yourself. No one could have predicted this."

I opened my mouth to deny her statement, but the door creaked open before I could. Drew swam in, his eyes immediately finding mine. He glanced from me to Waverly, concern in his eyes. I shook my head. "Zander told me I had to choose. But I couldn't. Then the doctors and nurses yelled from inside Jonah's room, and Raina told me that Jonah and I deserved a long and happy life together.

"She said she would rather die than get in the way of that." I began to cry even harder when the last word left my mouth. "Zander was aiming at me. The dagger was meant for me. Why does this keep happening?" I knew I was nearing hysterics, but I couldn't stop myself. "It should have been me."

It was as if someone had dropped a bomb in the middle of the room. Drew swam in front of me, his gaze fierce. "Look at me." Slowly, I met my brother's gaze, his clear eyes contrasting with my teary ones. "I know right now it may seem easier and possibly more logical to blame yourself, but please, Faye, hear me when I say this."

He took a shaky breath, glancing down at the floor. When he looked back up at me, tears glittered in his eyes. "None of the awful things that have happened to us have been your fault. You didn't cause Carla and Ella's deaths, nor did you cause Jacob's. I promised Carla when you were born that I would do whatever it took to protect you."

He sniffed, swiping at his eyes. "Even though I miss them daily, they're always with me in my heart. Besides, if we hadn't ended up with Mom and Dad, who knows where we would be now?" His voice broke on the last word. "I know without a doubt that if Carla could see you now, she would be so, so proud of the intelligent, beautiful, and resourceful young mermaid you've grown up to be."

Drew swallowed hard, clearing his throat. "Look at what you have with Jonah. Remember what Raina said? That you and Jonah deserved a long and happy life together. The two of you have survived impossible odds before—I have no doubt you'll get through this, too."

I threw my arms around my brother, sobbing. The knock on the door made us both flinch. When we broke apart, he studied me at arm's length, concern in his eyes. "When was the last time you ate something?"

In all honesty, I had no idea. As I wordlessly shrugged, Drew swam to the door, opened it, and spoke quietly to whoever was on the other side—likely Mom and Dad. Waverly swam to my side, wrapping a gentle arm around my shoulder.

Raina swam in, concern and worry lining her face. "Any change?" When she glimpsed my face, her own fell.

I shook my head, swaying slightly. Mom and Dad swam in seconds later, identical expressions on their faces. The latter swam to me, gripping my arm as he led me to the chair beside Jonah's bed. "Get some sleep, honey. We'll let you know right away if anything changes."

I didn't want to, but my body was so heavy, and it was suddenly impossible to keep my eyes open. They closed a heartbeat later as sleep wrapped its cloak around me. The first thing I hear when I open my eyes again are voices. Multiple voices, all repeating the same thing. "Faye. Sister Siren. Come back to us. We need you."

Mermaids surround me, multiple pairs of eyes glued to my face. A mermaid with curly golden-brown hair and ice-blue eyes puts a hand on my arm, drawing my gaze to hers. Despite the smile on her face, I can feel the tension vibrating in the water. "Come back to your family—your true family. Where we can be happy again."

At that moment, what I'd said to Drew two days ago comes back to me. "'I can't handle anyone else leaving.'" In a very twisted turn of events, I can see the upside to her words. If I joined them, I would finally be part of a family that would never leave nor betray me.

My mouth is opening, the response already waiting on my tongue, when I hear a faint voice in the distance, urgency coating his words. "Faye! Faye, wake up!"

I turn my head toward my brother's voice, hating the torn feeling inside me. The first mermaid—the one who'd spoken—touches my arm, drawing my gaze back to hers. "Faye, you have the chance to be happy again. Truly happy. To be with your family." The mermaid's gaze is so earnest, so loving, that I find myself genuinely considering her offer.

But then I hear Drew's voice again, closer and more urgent this time. "Faye! Faye, wake up!"

Shaking my head, I turn back to the mermaid. "I already have everything I could ever want. I have two loving parents and a brother who loves me, amazing friends, and a merman whom I love and who loves me. They're my real family."

I close my eyes, roughly jolting myself awake. Tears were sliding down my face before I even realized I was crying. Jonah's eyes were clear but lined with exhaustion. Doctors surrounded the bed, including Dr. Murphy, who glanced at me with relief in her eyes.

When I didn't move, didn't say anything, Drew put a hand on my arm. "Faye?"

Something inside me cracked so violently that I was amazed no one else could hear it. I let out a heartbreaking sob as I laid my head on Jonah's chest, savoring the sound of his heartbeat. That steady beat was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. When I lifted my head and met his eyes, I had to swallow the sob inside me.

I meant what I'd said to the mermaid. As much as I wanted a life without grief, pain, loss, or betrayal, I knew such a life didn't exist. Those emotions were just a part of life. You had to weather them as best you could, all the while clinging to the good ones, scarce as they may be. That was what life was all about.

I had so many things to be grateful for. A loving family was just one of many. As I looked around at my family and friends, then back to the merman I loved, I sent a silent thank-you to the mermaid from my dream. For giving me the strength I needed to realize what I'd been afraid to admit: I'm not—and haven't been in a very long time—truly happy.

But instead of hiding behind my depression and loneliness, I needed to lean on those who loved me—who would give their lives for me. A genuine smile slowly bloomed on my face as Jonah laughed, the sound as pure and nourishing as sunlight. The mermaid's words surfaced in my mind again, disappearing as quickly as they appeared. "'Come back to your family—your true family."

Jonah wrapped his arms around me, squeezing tightly. I held him back, neither of us letting go for quite some time. "I already have," I whispered, my voice quiet as the ocean currents.

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