Ready or Not?

26.

I got up this morning still in shock from what the last 24 hours put me through, I was completely torn on feeling angry or  to feel worried for Lance. I had to sort my priorities out today before heading back to England and help my brother pack up and get better. He had been awake for a little longer than I had and I knew this because his physio team had been in his room for over an hour now trying to get him to move as much as he can, even though he had been squealing with pain throughout. 

"Morning Lia" Max managed to groan through his vigorous exercises, he looked uncomfortable but I knew better than to speak up at times like this. "I ordered you some breakfast as a thank you for taking care of me yesterday" He knew the way to my heart better than any boyfriend I had ever had, my brother knows food is the key to my heart. The spread was more than impressive there was fruits, berries, oats, seeds and more, the options were endless and this is exactly how I like my food to be. 

"Oh Max I could hug you right now if it wasn't going to put you in an immense amount of pain" We fist bumped before I headed back out to the table and started piling my plate. Soon after breakfast, the team began to pack our stuff up and wanted us to head back home so Max could get some well deserved rest and recover before the summer break where he would need to pop into the HQ and get some hours on the sim. I wish they didn't put so much pressure on him considering he had just fractured his leg racing for them, but at the end of it this was formula 1 and it was only for the best. I can see why Netflix called it 'drive to survive' 

Even after a great morning and greeting to food, I still had Lance on my mind and for all the wrong reasons. I needed explanations, I needed answers from him. I know he's apologised but that doesn't make things right. 

"Hey Max I will meet you back home, I'm going to catch the later flight but you can take all my luggage with the team stuff" I escaped our suite quick enough so he wouldn't stack up on questions as I didn't really want to justify my trip to the hospital just to see Lance. I picked up a get well soon balloon and some champagne that I remembered seeing in Lance's collection before we had drank it, I might have been upset but that doesn't make me want to ruin my reputation for being the best gift giver. As I walked up to his room there was not one but two security guards standing tall by his door, and his press associate was hovering before he was greeted by my gifts and smile. 

"I'm not sure Lance wants to see you Miss Verstappen"

"I'm not sure I asked, Lance will be fine, I won't stay long, just don't tell his dad I was here" I didn't have time for the people in between as this conversation could not wait. Lance looked bad. I know my brother did not look great but Lance looked worse. He was bruised and cut all over, he shifted himself upwards as I entered the room.

"You don't have to sit up, it's okay. I just wanted to stop by and leave you with a few things"

"Can you sit for a minute?" He gestured towards the armchair that was conveniently closer to him than I currently was. I let myself fall into the chair and take a moment to really observe the chaos that was Lance's current physical state. "The last thing I can remember is saying how sorry I was to you, I just want you to know I meant it" "If karma was a person then I met her yesterday on the track, I should have never broken your trust and the video was a stupid mistake" "I want you to know I deleted everything, there are no copies, I never sent it to anyone and I should have never messed with you like that, this whole thing has shown me you deserve the world and more, and that I would never deserve that sort of love from you" 

"Lance-"

"No, let me finish" He was cupping my hands now making sure he had my full attention "I am genuinely so sorry, and I know a million sorries will never make things right between us but I want you to know that I know I fucked up and I won't stop trying till I make things right between us, I just want our friendship back"

"Ok"

"You're not mad?"

"Just because I'm not kicking and screaming doesn't mean I'm not mad, I just know how to control my emotions around childish men like you. I've gotten used to it after spending so much time in the paddock with 20 of you" "And look, I will accept the apology but it does not mean I forgive you, because if we're being real I don't have to, I don't owe you shit. I just want you to know that what you did was horrible, it made me feel like complete shit and so small just because you wanted to power play with me" "That's not okay, what you did was wrong on so so many levels, be grateful I didn't take it to the police" "I want to move forward from this and just make sure you know that I will never be able to trust you again, so for both of our sakes I think it is best you stay clear of me and my brother in the paddock."

Lance's face had dropped at this point, and I very much enjoyed this expression on him. He didn't have the grounds to be annoyed at me or upset, I was entitled to feel this way and act this way and Carlos had agreed with me the night before that I wouldn't have been able to move forward from this till I had properly put it in the past. I could now refocus my attention to what was important to me, my move to McLaren...

note

ahhh back to some regular posts :) do you think Lia should have forgave Lance or no? Also I'm on like 1k reads which is crazy so thank you everyone for still reading and bearing with me on these slow posts