He Calls Forth the Better Feelings of my Heart

Chapter 5: Train Ride

Dearest cousin Elizabeth,
I am writing this letter solely so I do not have to respond verbally to your letter at our Christmas celebration. I am sure my father would be quite disappointed if he overheard me speaking about our canceled wedding during the festivities. I do hope you understand, but I'd prefer it if we did not mention our non-marriage one bit during Christmas. Can you not see it now? My father, commanding as he is, berating me during an occasion that is meant to be merry? It would certainly put a damper on the wondrous holiday.

As for our no-longer marriage, I must confess that I was surprised by your response. Surprised as I was, I am beyond ecstatic that you share my own sentiments. Henry reassured me that my decision was the correct one, and yet I still feared that I would split your fragile heart in two. Truthfully, Elizabeth, I am unsure if I am capable of a desire to marry. Not for you alone, but any woman. I have met many kind ladies in my day, and yet I have been unable to imagine myself in matrimony with a single one of them. Do you think this is a vice?

No matter! My dearest Clerval has informed me that he is certain I will, eventually, find somebody to fill that void. A missing piece from a puzzle, if you will. I send my dearest, most genuine wishes that you will find your own puzzle piece, dear cousin. When you do, hold him close to your heart. I pray that your eventual husband will provide to you far more love than I ever would have. You deserve the world, Elizabeth, and someone who can provide you with it.
Presently, our train to Geneva will arrive at any given moment. Clerval and I shall be arriving in two days time. I must close out this letter now. I give to you my most sincere thanks, and my deepest familial love. I want nothing more than to see yourself and my father at Christmastime.
–Victor Frankenstein
December 22nd, 17–

—

Placing the pen and ink into the depths of my luggage, I sealed my envelope and rose tiredly from the train station's bench. Clerval and I had arrived for our train at the semi-late hour of nine p.m. Our train had been scheduled for ten, and now it was less than five minutes from its scheduled arrival. Very gently, I dropped the fresh envelope into the station's mailbox, promptly returning to my seat once the action had been completed. My dearest friend Henry was seated calmly in the spot next to me, his hazel gaze fixated on myself as I moved closer. The smile my dear friend held brightened the entirety of the train station, radiating warmth all around us. I quite easily managed to return a smile, my cheeks growing oddly warm. Perhaps my dear Clerval truly was warming up the cold, chilled area around us. Akin to many of the thoughts I had about my friend recently, this one was strange and quite uncalled for.

Fortunately, the aforementioned train arrived within the next few moments. Its hulking frame slowed to a stop on the tracks before us. Soon, the chilled air around us was occupied by deep, black coal smoke. Ahead of me, Clerval rose from his seat with a smile. The sudden smoke certainly did not seem to bother Henry in the slightest.

"Victor!" He called down, soft voice ringing out as his attention turned to me, still in my seat. "Our train has arrived. Are you not going to get on, or would you rather I leave you here?" Henry's joking comment was accompanied by his laughter, a charming sound that caught my own attention at once. Henry was quite skilled at that, being able to capture my attention easily.

Rising from my own seat, I held the handle of my luggage and returned my dear friend's gaze. With a far weaker laugh than his own, I responded thus, "I hardly believe you would leave me behind, Henry. You are by far the kindest man I have ever met. You would be unable to leave me." Rather, so I hoped. Many times, I had found myself believing that I was hardly worthy of my dearest Clerval's companionship and care.

Following behind Henry, I approached the train with a cautious footing. The thick smoke the iron beast spewed affected me, infected my senses. Raising a fist to cover my mouth, I struggled to retain the coughs that clawed their way out from my lungs. I had always been fragile to such things, and while Henry was hardly bothered, I felt quite weak myself. Considering my poor health, my late mother had mentioned several times that it was a miracle I had not perished as a child.

Henry, seemingly noticing my struggles with the smoggy air, ushered me into the train and quickly found an isolated apartment. I nearly fell into the cabin, leaning on my seat in an uncouth fashion as I coughed. Clerval, despite the seat across from me being empty, closed the compartment's door and sat at my side. His hand rested against my shoulder, fingers dancing up and down my arm in the most comforting of touches. In less than a few moments, my wretched coughs subsided and I was calm.

Looking upon Henry with a smile, I forced myself to correct my posture and laughed with a hint of embarrassment. My cheeks had gone quite warm, and I quickly assumed that this must have been caused by the strain of coughing. "Thank you, dear Clerval..." I said, tone grateful but hardly above a whisper. Henry's hand still slunk its way across my arm, even though my coughs had subsided. Something about this touch produced the oddest feeling inside of me, causing my stomach to twist into knots in a confusing mixture of comfort and unease. The comfort, as wondrous as it was, had the oddest quality of taboo. I could hardly discern the reason for this.

Henry simply responded with his usual handsome smile, dimpled cheeks shining. He did not appear to bear a single ounce of the anxiety that consumed my own chest. "Well, I hardly did anything, Victor! Even so, I accept your thanks." His smile was akin to shining diamonds, piercing through my soul. It seemed to only tighten the knot in my chest. Rapidly, I began to fear that I was falling ill again.

Subtly, I removed my arm from Clerval's touch and raised my hands, removing my wire glasses from my face. I had always hated having to wear the damned round spectacles. Even without them, I was a wretched sight to behold. The spectacles did nothing but worsen it. Rather devoid of any grace, I wiped the remaining soot away from the spectacle lenses with my shirt sleeve. The train began to move, my heart moving along with it. Soon, in two days time, Henry and I would arrive in Geneva. Then, I could place my worries aside for a few days and simply focus on Christmas celebrations instead.