THE BLOSSOMING CAMELLIA FLOWER (カメリア)

special chapter

-The letter-

(Cami) on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, I decided to go through all my old stuff that I had stored in my closet, It was all my old belongings I had back in our old apartment during high school, when we moved to our new place, some of our old belongings we're thrown away or sold except for some that we're dear to me.

While opening all the boxes, a bunch of memories began to come back to me, from my old high school things like my old glasses when I wore when I had that make-over, my old baseball jersey and cap, even my lucky glove and a baseball, other artifacts like my old notes from my old college days we're also inside, the sweet memories began coming in as I look through all my old things.

In another box, I kept one of the precious things I held dear...which we're memories of my dear Alex, inside we're a photo album of all the photos we have of each other, from our first trip together, our dates, our travels together and other memories, other things inside of that box we're all the precious things he once owned like his old glasses, his favorite book and most importantly, a framed photo that he kept dearly to him, it was a photo that we first took together when we we're on that trip in Kyoto.

As I held that framed photo, I accidentally let go of it and it fell into the ground, shattering the glass all over the floor

*cami* damn-it!

*Eliza* are you okay in their mom?

*cami* yes dear I'm doing fine, something just fell

*Eliza* oh...okay be careful then

*cami* okay

(Cami) as I pick up the fragment of glass unto the floor, I discovered that something was hidden inside the picture frame, out of curiosity I took it out of the picture frame.

It was purple envelope, when I opened it there was a well written letter inside of it, when did Alex write this?

As I unfolded the letter, this was what was written in it:

Dear cami....

By the time you read, I hope you are doing well right now, maybe by the time when you read this letter, I may be gone from this world now...

I hope you get to read this...because I have a lot of thing I wanted to say to you but I wasn't able to anymore, so here it goes..

I've never thought that someone would have a significant impact on me more than you did, ever since we first met...I've never thought I would fall deeper than I ever expected.

Back then I was afraid to commit to something that was hard to do, I was afraid to be in a relationship back then, but the more I spend time with you, the more did my fear faded away and by then, I was already in love with you.

Our relationship was like no other, we did something that felt impossible to do...we had ups and down in the past but we persevered through all of it.

I could still remember the days when we constantly talking to each other day and night, talking about our problems, comforting each other, telling our secrets to each other, how our relationship was different from other relationships, ours was unique...that's why it was special...I wish we could come back to those days when we were still together...even for a second.

There are no words that can describe how much I love you, you've given me so much joy that I can never feel, and sometimes I would wonder what if we didn't cross paths that day? What if I didn't go to japan that day? What If I didn't confess my feelings for you?

What if we never met at all? How would life be different back then? I still wonder those things until now...how life would be different for the both if we never met that day.

But maybe this was how life was supposed to be for me...maybe god wanted us to meet, because I was happier when I was with you.

By now you maybe know my history with Karylle, but maybe it was time for me to tell you all about it.

When I met Karylle back then, it felt like something I was lacking since leaving japan, she made me feel something I was longing for the longest time, she felt like I was with you once again, our relationship was platonic but it was true, we did the things we used to do back then.

But when I was with Karylle, It felt like adultery...because although I was madly in love with her that time, but my heart still belonged to you, I felt like I was committing something I wasn't meant to do, it felt wrong but I still did it anyways, but in the end our relationship didn't last long, eventually we had to separate because of our differences but ever since then, I felt different...I felt like I was different since then, it was like I lost myself since then.

To be honest, I still think about her from time to time...the memories still come back to me from time to time but all of it was in the past now, but if I'm honest...she made me understand what love is, our relationship taught me how to love someone dearly.

I still can't describe how much my life has changed because of you, maybe that's why I loved you more than anything in life because I want to face the future with you who would always have my back, someone who would lift you up in your darkest moments.

I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you then...I'm sorry for not being there when you were down...I'm sorry for being so naïve back then, I hated myself for leaving you, I hated myself for making you cry because I've always wanted to Protect you even if I can't protect myself, I know it may cause you more pain in the future but I Hope one day you will forgive me.

I hope one day when you look back on our past, you would see this past not as a trauma but as a lesson, I hope one day you will begin to heal from all the pains we had...one day you will get better from all of it.

Looking back, I think we both broke each other's hearts back then, the both of us we're in pain back then and until now that scars hasn't heal yet, but It wasn't your fault at all...it wasn't mine as well, it was no one's fault, we we're just not ready back then, maybe now we think we are but in reality we weren't, maybe now when we looked at all of it, I think we weren't ready for all of it at all, we were so naïve to be committed to this act without being emotionally and mentally prepared for all of it, as what many people say "love is blind" and truly it is, love is so blind that we didn't see all the thorns that we're on our path.

Maybe one day we will understand what love was for the both of us, but until then let's just enjoy all the time we have right now.

By the time this letter was written, I may have be gone from this world, so that's why I want to say Thank you for everything cami , thank you for being there for me,

Thank you for being kind to me, thank you for being my friend, and most importantly thank you for being my inspiration to become a better person, you truly did taught me what love is, it was the most beautiful thing in this yet cruel world.

Loving you was the most beautiful moment of my life, and I hope you feel the same thing too, I may be gone but I will forever stay in your heart, through the memories we have made together, through all the ups and downs we had gone through, through better or worse.

You will forever be my tinatangi in this lifetime...maybe in a different lifetime we would meet again, maybe in a different timeline we would be together again no matter what, but no matter how many times I will live in different timeline, in a different lifetime, I will always be willing to go through all of it again and again if it means being able to love in every lifetime.

But Until then...I'll see you on the other side of the world until we meet again when the camellia Flowers starts to bloom again just like you did

I love you cami...I love you in every lifetime, see you again my dear

-yours truly...Alex