Loss of Tempo

Chapter 4

Trigger Warning: This chapter provides subtle imagery of suicide and the depiction of rape and domestic violence.

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Chapter 4

"Messara, 'di ba?" tanong niya. I was a few inches taller than her but her eyes screamed unyielding. She was the student manager of the men's campus volleyball team. She introduced herself to me as Venice. Her dark bouncy hair reached beneath her shoulders. Although her eyes were quite stern, her bangs made her look cute. Maputi ito at nakasalamin.

Nahihiya akong tumango. "O-Opo, ate. Ako po si Messara."

Tumango ito. "I know. I have read your application." Pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. I couldn't help my burnt cheeks to show. My whole body was shaking until the end of my fingertips. "Kaunti lang ang nag-apply sa position. Maliban sa hindi biro ang mga gawain, sakit din sa ulo ang mga athletes."

Tumango ako. Hindi makatingin. Haya already told me that.

"That's why I am glad someone applied. However, you don't seem to be someone who can manage the team. Sa nakikita ko, parang mahiyain ka."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko. I stared at my charcoal flat shoes, even landing on my pink socks with white ribbon. Hindi ako makatingin dahil matalas ito kung tumingin. Unlike her cutesy physique, she was . . . quite . . . scary.

"I-I'll do my best po. I . . . " Tumikhim ako para mawala ang bara sa aking lalamunan. Hesitant to tell her my goal. I was shy. "I-I just really want to experience this po."

I was eager to overcome my fear. Maliban sa gustong gusto namin ni Kuya ang laro, ito rin ang naging isa sa mga rason kung bakit gusto ko itong gawin. Although, I didn't know what the student manager do, I was certain that all of things unforeign could be learned eventually. Wala naman sigurong magaling agad sa umpisa. Meron man, pero madalas ay hindi.

"Oh," aniya. I could imagine how her lips shaped into that letter. I tried my best to look at her because it might be disrespectful to talk to her while my eyes were elsewhere. Pinagmasdan niya ako sa likod ng kaniyang salamin. I nibbled at my bottom lips when she was just staring at me, expressionless.

"A-Ayon po sana ang gusto ko mangyari. K-Kaya sana makuha k-ko po ang posisyon."

Halos matanggal ang tinik sa dibdib ko nang tumango siya. "Okay. I understand."

Umikot siya para maupo sa swivel chair. Nilapag niya ang application form ko. I thought I already got the job because I was told that I could be her wingman before she graduates. Siguro I already got it, and she had to interview me for a while. Hindi naman sobrang bigat no'n pero kasi nakakatakot siya.

Nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa loob ng office. It was the office of the team. It wasn't that big. It was just enough for few people to barge in. Kulay puti ang pader, may dalawang upuan sa tapat ng table, at isang sofa. Naroon din ang isang glass cabinet kung saan nakapaloob ang iba't ibang thropies ng team. May mga pictures din pero hindi ko na natitigan pa nang maayos dahil sa kaharap ko. I was scared that a wrong move from me, I would trigger her.

Gano'n ba kahirap ang maging senior? Would I become this strict and serious?

I imagined myself being strict as well to everyone after this school year. But my mind couldn't capture anything! Hindi ko kayang magtaray kanino man. Iisipin ko pa lang na magtataas akong kilay, tititigan ang sino man sa mata habang hindi pumipikit, ay nahihiya na ako.

"Next week, you'll assist me from that on. Ayon na ang start ng training mo." Tumango ako. I heaved a relieved sigh that she'd train me. "Meron ka bang Facebook? Para sana ma-i-add ka sa gc."