Loss of Tempo

Chapter 5

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Chapter 5

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him because of how serious he looked. Bumuntong hininga siya at pinasadahan ng mahahabang daliri ang kaniyang buhok. His curly locks made him rugged and masculine. My mind wandered to certain thoughts: what would it feel like to wrap its locks around my finger? My face heated up just merely thinking about it. The indecisive thought was strong but I ignored it.

"Sorry." He gave me a boyish smile. "Tara na, Messara. Ako na magbubuhat."

Tumango na lang ako dahil hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Sumunod ako sa kaniya habang naglalakad kami sa gilid ng field. Nasa likod niya lang ako. His forehead creased but he didn't say any word. Instead, he would stop for a minute, then continued so I could catch his pace. Ang ending, sabay na kaming naglalakad.

That was why I stopped again. Hinintay ko siyang mauna.

Natigilan siya. Nilingon ang gilid, tapos nilingon ang likod. His eyes narrowed a bit and sighed heavily. Humawak siya sa kaniyang batok. "Ayaw mo bang . . . sabay tayo?"

I bit my lower lip. The loud thumping of my heart wasn't helping.

"H-Hindi naman po."

Tumango siya. "You don't like to be seen with me."

My eyes widened a fraction. He sounded like it was a fact! Panic flashed over my eyes. He smiled gently when he noticed that. "Ayos lang. Sige na, tara na."

I nibbled at my bottom lip which I think will eventually bleed. The guilt was slowly crippling me. Kaya nang mauna siya para pumunta na sa faculty ay dahan-dahan lang ang lakad ko. I looked at my shoes, bothered, heart thumping so fast because of the courage I was trying to collect. Slowly, I found my little feet running after him, with my balled fists.

I ran . . .

I ran after him.

When he was already near my reach, I stretched my right hand, slowly grasping the fabric of his uniform. Nabibingi ako sa lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. It was like euphoric music that was slowly filling the gap in my stomach. It was scary. It was overflowing. It was something.

He halted on his feet. He immediately looked over his shoulder only to meet my gaze. His amber eyes widened a fraction as he stared at me, shifting to my fragile hand, then my eyes. Daikon's mouth gaped open. Samantalang ako, nabibingi na sa sariling puso. His stares made my insides chaotic and all the feelings were undeniably hard to contain.

It seemed like he was waiting for me to say something. So I did. Even though I was shaking so badly, even though my thoughts were going haywire, I still did.

"L-Let's go together."

His stares lingered. Tinanggal ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa likod ng kaniyang uniform. Then I started walking. Hindi ako lumingon. I didn't wait for him anymore and just continued my walk. My neck was burning until it reached my cheeks. My whole body was trembling. Pero tila may natanggal na bara sa aking lalamunan. If I were able to shove away my anxiety around him, then I think I could do it too with other people. This would be another step to face my fear.

Tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang lakad ko kahit na naramdaman ko na ang kaniyang balikat sa gilid ng aking ulo. He didn't say anything. Pero ramdam ko ang madalas niyang pagsulyap sa akin. We both stopped when a car, probably parked near the side of the field, passed in front of us. Dahil do'n ay napagmasdan ko ang repleksyon naming dalawa sa salamin nang hindi sinasadya.

He was . . . smiling.

That smile bothered me so much in my sleep. I couldn't think of anything else other than that. The leap in my heart was uncontrollable. Muli kong naalala ang sinabi ni Haya sa akin. Gusto ko ba siya? Was it a growing infatuation? Was it too apparent that Haya noticed it and I wasn't even aware?