Hold my hand (you're not alone)

Mental health

Mental Health

                                                                       Mental health
Some people have good mental health, some have bad mental health, and some people even fake bad mental health. Me, I have pretty bad mental health. My mental health was affected by trauma, anxiety attacks, tests, and even realization. All of this can be aspects of trauma. But trauma’s not what we're talking about is it, we're talking about mental health, what it is, how it affects daily life and how to live with it. Well, mental health is the way a person feels, acts, thinks, moods, and even behavior. For example, If you are sad, offended, or have negative thoughts that can be either depression or intrusive thoughts. If you're anxious, anxiety. All of these things are little pieces of mental health or your mental health problem. When you have bad mental health it can affect your whole life. Different people have different ways of coping with their mental health. What I do, well I laugh, I know I know, laugh? Yes, I laugh when I'm in pain I laugh. Crying? No laughing.

Trauma
That's a good topic. I have what you would call Dissociative amnesia. It's where trauma happened and you just can’t seem to remember it but you know that it happened. I experienced my mom having a breakdown from the loss of her husband, my dad. He died when I was two on December 24, 2011. I don’t remember my biological father but I now have a step-dad that is my dad now. Although I did not witness my dad dying, the event affected me further in my life. Therefore it is a big trauma that happened in my life, I just don't remember it.  There are many many types of trauma, there's trauma you remember, some that can be very fuzzy in your mind and hard to make clear, and even some you don't remember. But all trauma is real. So if you have trauma or don't, some people around you might find out how they cope and a way to help you.

                                                                           Stress
Stress is something that is built up in a mind. The main cause of stress is Chronic illness or injury. Emotional problems (depression, anxiety, anger, grief, guilt, low self-esteem) Taking care of an elderly or sick family member. A traumatic event, such as a natural disaster, theft, rape, or violence against you or a loved one. Being stressed is not a bad thing. You as a person have a right to be stressed. Being stressed means that you are having a hard time and that it’s putting strain on your brain. Stress is high and most common in 18-33 year olds. When you're 18 you have a turning point in your life. Whatever that turning point may be, it can cause stress. If you're not stressed, that's also very fine. That means that you are at a good point in your life that you have nothing to worry about.

Overthinking
Overthinking is something I am known for. I will over think the way people are looking at me.  I’d like to think everyone overthinks in a way. For my birthday I decided to have a sleepover with three of my friends. One of them is vegetarian so I wanted to make sure she could eat, it took me a week and she was consoling me that she’d eat anything. So when I finally got over that I started thinking about the fact that what if everybody doesn't have fun or what if I'm going to let my birthday go to my head and I be an ass. Overthinking can be a good thing. You can overthink going to a party and so you don't go then you find out that the next day, the cops showed up and half the party went to jail for the night. It can also be a curse. You can overthink going to a party and find out it was a great party and so many good things happened. So even though sometimes you hate overthinking just remember that time it might have saved your life.

Anxiety
Having anxiety is not a funny thing, it’s not something to bully someone for having. Everybody has anxiety, some people just have it worse than others. It’s not something to brag about either. I wanted to make that clear. Making fun of something and coping with it are two very different things. I take the mental health of people very seriously. My whole family has been through a lot and because of it we have really bad anxiety. We cope with it by laughing it off. Of course I also write. But we say stuff like “you can’t even think without thinking you're going to die.” That’s joking, not bullying. There's a big difference. One is joking with the person's consent, the other one is making fun of the person and making their lives worse. I have really worked on making my anxiety better. I’ve gone to therapy and I have my mom to vent to. I cry, crying is ok.

Anxieties best friend
Depression. Major Depression can be caused by multiple things. Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness, Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters, Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, hobbies or sports, Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much, Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort, etc. There is depression among adults and children. In younger children, symptoms of major depression may include sadness, irritability, clinginess, worry, aches and pains, refusing to go to school, or being underweight. In teens, symptoms may include sadness, irritability, feeling negative and worthless, anger, poor performance or poor attendance at school, feeling misunderstood and extremely sensitive, using recreational drugs or alcohol, eating or sleeping too much, self-harm, loss of interest in normal activities, and avoidance of social interaction. You should be careful of these symptoms but just because you have one or even five doesn't mean you're depressed. Having depression doesn't necessarily mean you have all of these symptoms but you should have the vast majority. If you feel like you have depression please go to your doctor to further investigate.

Back in the pool
With my depression I measure it out like I’m in and out of a pool. The worse the depression gets the deeper I go into the pool. About two months ago I thought that I was out of the pool. Turns out I was just sitting in the shallow end. While I was in the shallow end I just kept getting pushed to go in the deeper end. About three weeks ago I got pushed into the deep end. At the present time I’m drowning. When I try to swim it doesn't help me into the shallower part. I just swim the wrong way. I swim deeper. See, it can also be a wave pool. Which also can go along with the hardship of trying to swim. “The wave pool” can be really anything. For me it’s my actions, family,  friends, and school. See, with all of these it’s usually how I act to them. How I treat them. If I happen to say something that I think is wrong I’ll constantly think about it unconsciously.  That constant thought that I messed up someone's day with a single word. That is what causes the waves in the wave pool. Having depression doesn't mean you're constantly in this pool. Being in the pool is when you start to enter a depressive episode. You can start with a climb to the shallow end and stay there for a while. You can slowly start to climb into the deep end. Or you could just drive right into the deep end. Diving right into the deep end doesn't often happen to me. Usually I start to go into the deep end slowly. Losing motivation quicker and quicker.