Hold my hand (you're not alone)

helping

Helping

                                                                             Coping
There are many ways of coping. There is knitting or crocheting, planting, working out, crying, laughing, changing the subject of the problem you're coping with, listening to music, hiking, going outside, talking to someone, writing down what you feel, shopping, cleaning, cooking, eating comfort food, etc. You don't have to have a coping mechanism, but it is helpful. It might take a while to find a coping mechanism but once you find one it helps you in the journey so much. That is the journey of mental health.

                                                      
                                                           
                                                                                Talking
Sometimes you don’t have someone to talk to so you hide. You stuff your feelings down and never show them. This can lead to bad things. Maybe you want to write that's what I did, so came this book. There are many ways that you can talk. Werther, it is to a parent, partner, counselor, or yourself in your head but even then that's not the best solution. You should get it out to clear your head of the negative thoughts so your physical state can be just as good as the mental.

Hiding
You can hide in many ways, for many reasons. It’s hard hiding (for some people) if you've been doing it since you were young. It's probably easy now and it’s just a game at this point. Huh.. games are supposed to be fun right?  then why isn't hiding fun? If it’s a game. Well, when you hide your feelings it can affect your mental health. When you hide, you pile. Everything just piles on and comes out all at once. It becomes too much. Too much stress, too much drama, feeling like a bad person. It's all too much. Imagine a fountain. The water is all the shit that happens to you. You hiding your feelings is a clogged drain. The fountain itself is the stability of your mental health. There's a small fountain. That small fountain has a little bit of water but there's a clog in the drain. There is no water flow. People keep walking by and add cups and cups of water. With nothing letting the pier water run out it just piles on top of eachother. Well one more cup and it’ll overflow. One more cup was added. The fountain is now overflowing. You're drowning. There's nothing to drain the water. You start calling for help. You stop hiding. The drain pops. The water goes away. You can breathe. Stop hiding, get help to unclog your drain.

Crying is ok
Crying. Most people don’t like to cry. It can make them feel empty. Like they just let their soul out. Once a week I let all my guards down and let the floodgates open. I used to have a big problem with crying. I would feel bad for the people around me or I would feel as if I’d become a burden. Although when I did cry it wouldn’t stop. I was like the dam was open and I couldn’t fix it. The moment I realized that I wasn’t the only one that felt this way was when I saw my own mother cry. She was trying to quit smoking and it was really hard for her. In my eyes she was like a warrior. A person that always kept it together. Never let her emotions run free. She was struggling so much that she cried in front of me. Forget crying in general. In front of her kid. The person she kept it together most. She didn’t want to look or seem worried ever. The moment she looks worried, so do I. It’s a chain reaction. The strongest person that I knew was hopeless. She was so ashamed to have broken down in front of me. Constantly saying sorry in between sobs. I realized then and there I was not alone.

           Finding light in a bad situation!
I was going through a lot. This book was my outlet. I was overwhelmed, just over life. I couldn’t handle being alone anymore. Then I found my light in my bad situation. I found a guy that understood what I was going through . He helped me to get up and make an effort to look good and get my hygiene back in check. I washed my hair for the first time in about a week yesterday because we were going to see each other outside of school. He gave me a reason to get up and “get pretty”. What I’m trying to say is go out there and make plans. Get pretty for someone or even yourself. People need you and once I had somebody that needed me I realized that I was valuable and needed to take care of myself. 

    Finally Free
When I dropped the bullies, the bad influences, the bad environment I was finally free. I was finally free to be myself and love who I was. I wasn’t a person who loved being in all the drama or a person who was happy to have their heartbroken by people who didn’t love or care for her. I was a human. I was someone who had feelings and I was someone who actually cared about people. Under the bullying persona that I thought I had to put on I actually cared. Once I found the courage to stand up and say that I didn’t want to be around thoughts people, I was free. Once I let go I finally had a weight lifted off of my chest. I finally could say sorry to the people I was mean to and not feel like I was going to get ridiculed by my friends. I was free.

Medication
Being on medication is the last thing that I ever wanted to do. I tried everything for depression. Forcing myself to smile, talk to friends, eat, play video games, draw, enjoy life basically. I tried to do all the things that usually made me happy I just couldn't anymore. My parents started to notice that I wasn’t smiling as much. They were getting worried. Seeing me not being my normal happy self and it being a repetitive thing. They saw that I was hurting and they asked me about it. We have always been an open family when it comes to talking about our mental health. My mom has been through a lot of trauma and so have I. Mental health has been the main conversation in my house since I was nine years old. Although I had that open household to talk about how bad my depression was I didn’t. I talked about it once or twice but not a lot. Having my mom come up to me and ask why I wasn’t smiling was a big deal. I thought she would undermine what was really going on. Or just give me advice that I’ve already tried. That was not the reaction. When I told her what was happening she understood. She told me that if nothing was working then I could make the decision to go on meds.