Hold my hand (you're not alone)

Questions of our lives

Questions of our lives         

Human?
I cry at the road that lies ahead, my future whether it be in two minutes or two years I’m not ready. Cry, that's a funny subject I can’t cry, and everyone cries, am I human because I can’t. How do you deal with pain or sorrow if you don’t cry? In my experience you don't, take the pain and sorrow and bury it deep down under a rug and never let it see the light of day. Is that right, is it ok to shove the feelings down. Am I human, am I even real? I don’t think I exist at this point. If this is what I feel, is that ok or is it wrong, is it bad that I don't feel? How do you feel, how do you live? This is a touchy subject. Is it ever really answered? For some no, some yes but I think there is no answer, it is a mystery how to live how to eat, sleep, drink, and feel. Life, in general, is a mystery but is it ever answered? Colby College discovered in their conduct of research in 2020 that the average person spends about 47% of their day on “autopilot,” following automated behaviors while their thoughts wander from the task at hand. People feeling like they're on “autopilot” is normal.

                                                                           Questions?
What are questions? Well, anything that ends with a question mark right? Well yes but no as well. A question is something you want to know but do not know yet. I'm the type of person that asks a lot of questions. I love to know everything. There's no problem with that but recently I've found that not to be true. The questions I ask seem to annoy people. Like my teachers, friends, and even my family. Questions can be annoying like what's two plus two or what's your favorite color. They’re kinda annoying and ask a little too often. I don’t ask those types of questions but I do ask sometimes questions that have either already been answered or two have to take time to answer. I often make my teacher's head hurt. They all say " girl that's too many questions, what's wrong with you." It can bring you to tears. Questions can always be one way or the other. It can be a good question like can you help me with my algebra homework? But then there are the other questions like what's two plus two? Which questions do you ask?

   Ready?
what is ready is anyone “ready”, ready for heartbreak, pain, life. What is ready? I think ready is when you are prepared for what lies ahead. Am I Ready, is the question? Not thinking you're ready can be the factor of if you do something or not. It can make or break a decision in a sense. You can always stop yourself from the best situation of your life. But you can also stop yourself from death. Imagine this… You're about to go skydiving. You're scared and not ready so you decide to wait for one more person. They hand the person ahead of you a parachute. It fails. Now you just saved yourself from death. But it could also go the other way around. You could see that it’s fun to fully back out and lose the best experience of your life. There's never an easy way to decide if you're ready or not. But don’t forget you only live once.

Love?
Am I in love? Maybe, yes, no. It’s the question that we battle with our whole lives. Whether we love ourselves or others. We know we love our parents, do we love anyone else? The hardest love to feel is to love yourself. Self love is very hard for some people, others loving someone else is the hardest. When you're a kid you love food and your parents. When you get older it's not that easy. You have to choose if you love another person. When you get to be a teenager you have a battle with yourself whether you like yourself or how your body looks. Loving someone can be the hardest thing yet also the easiest thing in the world. So the question is are you in love?

Maturing
In the Cambridge dictionary the definition of maturing is “to become more developed mentally and emotionally and behave in a responsible way.” Why that is true, maturing goes deeper than just being mentally stable and being responsible. It’s about getting rid of all the toxic things and people. Getting rid of things that cause you pain, hurt, heartache. Knowing what your limit is when it comes to doing activities. Knowing if it's better to go out, stay in, see friends, or take a day for yourself.  Knowing when to back out of a situation. Telling yourself is it worth going through this again. Is it worth going through the heartbreak, pain, hurt, tears, that feeling of “I’m going to die” all over again. It’s saying no to all those things. Refusing to put yourself in a situation you're not comfortable with just for someone else’s sake.