The First Visit
The drive to the cemetery was anything but peaceful for the eleven year old Quinn. Who is visiting his birth mother's grave for the very first time. Cyril tried to soothe the tension for his son as much as he could. Although he was aware that many unknown emotions must be coiling him.
"you ok champ" Cyril called out to silent Quinn "are you afraid?" He questioned him about what's going on in his mind.
Quinn had lots of questions to ask and he had asked his father and uncle. Yet his mind was unable to grasp some facts.
"I don't know," Quinn replied, shrugging his shoulders " maybe a little nervous."
Cyril glanced back at him and tried to ease his nervousness " it's fine to be nervous. I am too. I know it's hard but we talked about it right. We will stay as long as you want us to stay , ok. No pressure, remember."
They have talked about this whole visit thing at length. Cyril had his worries but he wanted to let Quinn visit on his own accord. It's his decision to make and he had let him.
"Was she pretty?" Quinn mumbled wanted to know about the woman who everyone gushes about.
"you have seen the pictures" Cyril pointed out " but, they do no justice to her beauty. She was radiant with so much hope and love. She was brave, kind and humble. But sometimes god needed the most beautiful people to himself so he called her." he told Quinn the way he remembered his sister.
"but remember" Cyril added "she died protecting the honour of our country."
Soon they reached their destination. Together they descended the car and quietly moved the familiar path to visit the most important person of their lives. Cyril settled the lone flower he bought for today, smoothed out the wilted flowers of her grave "Hi" whispered "look whom I bought with me. Just as I promised." and gestured Quinn to move forward a little.
"I know you must be eagerly waiting for his visit too" Cyril commented " just to be clear he was too but quite nervous to meet you."
"C'mon Champ" Cyril called " talk to her" and stood from his crouching position and went a little behind to give them privacy.
Quinn didn't know what to say. He was confused about a lot of things and might not understand them fully. so he started with what he wanted to say.
"hello" His soft voice hopefully reached her " I don't know how to say this but, I hope you are doing alright. Everyone tells me you were brave and kind. I wish I could see you in person. I know that you are the one who gave me birth. This makes you my mother and I wish you were here with us. Dad says you are looking after us from above. Can you see me too?" his heart quivered at the thought of not knowing his birth mother.
"I feel really jealous of my friends when I see them with their mothers'' Quinn shared with her "some times.." his words fumbled " sometimes all I want you by my side...be my mother" his heart longed to have a mothers touch but he understood at his young age that no one returns from the heaven above. " I know dad is actually your brother. Sometimes I think about who my real father is. But Uncle Lucas said he hurt you. Did he?" The young heart had so many questions he was afraid to ask.
"But they say he did," Quinn quietly whispered to her grave. "I miss you even if I don't know you. Maybe one day I'll get to know you one day. I saw your pictures, they tell me about you all the time. You were pretty. Beautiful like angels."
Quinn didn't know what to say or talk about but he wanted to keep visiting her. To have this only connection with his mother as long as he can. So instead he asked "Can I keep visiting you?"
"I want to keep visiting you" Quinn quietly said as his baby voice reached Cyril, perfectly clenching his heart in pain. Sometimes in life you don't get what you desire or hope for. Sometimes innocent hearts get broken, some grow up fast for their age. Life is a spiral staircase the faster you reach the above, faster you lose control too.
Cyril came forward from his spot and sat beside Quinn who was quiet, placed his arm around him in showing his support. "You can visit her as much as you want too, hmm" Quinn just nodded his head not saying much.
Sensing it's time to go Cyril and Quinn stood up from their spots together they said final goodbye but not before Quin kissed his mothers grave and said the words she always wanted to listen
"see you later mom"
