On the outside I fake a smile for everyone to be happy.
When I know inside I'm dying.
On the outside it's another girl that everyone thinks they got figured out.
When secretly inside she's crying out.
Wanting to be held,loved,and told everything will be alright.
But I know lives like that don't exist no more.
In my head I'm free from everything and all the people who hold me back.
but I know soon as I wake up, I'll have to face the cold face of reality.
Whoever reads this poem I don't want you to feel sad or have sympathy for me.
I just one you all to know what It's like to be me.
A view of what it feels like to be in my shoes.
What it's like to be in my eggshell of a world.
In my world I pray everyday It'll come true.Every event and thought.
But Life isn't no fairytale.
I know I have to grow up...But I'm scared to.
Growing up means your time is drawing near.
I want to live forever even not in flesh.I want to be remembered and thought of every now and then.
I want people to understand me even if it's difficult.
That is really all I want and wanted.Ever since I was a little girl.
Everyone said I wanted attention..but It wasn't true. I just wanted to be understood and cared for and truly loved.
Even If it had to be found in the strangest places, from strangers, even from a mere animal.
My friends acted as if they understood me and I played along but no one knows what I've been through and dealt with.
My real bestfriend was my cat...people swear I'm crazy for saying it. But It's true he knew all my secrets that I wouldn't tell anyone..he seen everything I tried to hide under radars from everyone else.
when I was emotionally distressed he always knew when to comfort me.He was more than a cat me,he was my son,and bestfriend.
I lost him a year ago 20 days before my birthday and a day after my deceased nephews birthday.My birthday never been good since I was born.
As fast as October comes I pray it leaves just as fast.It was bad enough I had to mourn Three already but this year was just as bad now I have another to add to my pain.
I don't know when I started losing my sanity but I know it's officially gone now.
I notice today after coming home from the hospital witnessing the birth or my new nephew.That I'm truly misunderstood.It's suppose to be joyous but why do people intend to make me feel low.
After everything, no one can really say they know how I feel.When I'm breaking down, Shattering. Im being overdramatic.
But When its someone else I'm pretty much forced to put my feeling aside.
I don't know what to do anymore.I just want to shut down, atleast I'll be safe from hurt and pain.
In my eggshell of a world.There are only so many layers that shows who i am inside.
If I let my mind take over will I'll be safe?
