Remus Lupin Comfort 🤎

panic attack

tw ‼️ depictions of self harm, a panic attack, and depersonalization
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"miss y/l/n?"

"professor?" panic washed over y/n's entire being. adrenaline. stomachache. heart palpitations. she couldn't breathe. she was going to die. this couldn't be happening.

"hey, hey, hey," lupin said soothingly, and knelt down by her side. the metallic smell of blood was overpowering for his werewolf senses. "take deep breaths with me. you're not in any trouble." he rubbed her back as y/n shook with hyperventilating sobs.

"i- i can't breathe, professor, what's happening?" she choked out.

"you're having a panic attack. they can be really scary, but i promise you're not in danger, you're body and brain just thinks you are," he explained calmly. they sat there together for a several minutes as y/n mirrored lupin's demonstration of deep breathing. "let's go talk in my office," he offered once her breathing was steady. he needed to figure out why she was bleeding.

y/n nodded, and made a move to stand up, almost blacking out. lupin caught her in the arms, with fear clenching his stomach. what happened to y/n?

"i- i'm ok i can walk," she squeaked out. this was clearly not true. lupin sighed.

"at least let me help," he said.

y/n leaned on his side and they slowly made their way to lupin's office in silence. however, both of their minds were simultaneously racing with thoughts. y/n was panicking about how she was going to hide her self harm. contrastingly, lupin was worrying that his suspicions about the blood were true. after their conversation earlier that day, he was still extremely concerned about her mental health. no stranger to depression himself, he was adamant that no student would feel as invisible as he used to at hogwarts. not on his watch.

they finally arrived at lupin's room a few painful minutes later. he conjured a couch for y/n to sit on, which she collapsed into gratefully. there were still silent tears shining on her face.

"y/n?"

"yeah?" she looked up.

"where are you bleeding?"

she froze, debating whether or not to answer truthfully.

"it- it's not a big deal, i'm fine," y/n mumbled. he scoffed.

"dear, you nearly passed out from blood loss. i need to make sure you're ok." she bit her lip and looked away. "may i see?"

after several moments of silence, finally, thank merlin, she nodded. lupin braced himself for what he was about to see. y/n gingerly pulled back her sleeve, wincing at the pain.

he could barely even see her skin, it was so covered in half-dried blood. faltering only for a second, lupin took her arm in his hand carefully and cast a spell to clean off the wounds. now visible were lines and lines of raised white scars, and a dozen-ish fresh ones.

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry," y/n sobbed. this was her greatest fear, her biggest shame. he must hate her now, she thought.

but lupin simply looked sad for her. there was no judgement or disgust in his eyes.

"i'm going to go grab a first aid kit," he whispered. he was gone only for a second, then returned and started dressing her wounds with painstaking care.

"we'll talk more about this in the morning, but before you go to sleep would you like to share what caused you to do this to yourself? i'm here to listen and whatever you tell me is entirely confidential," lupin said softly.

where would i even begin?  y/n thought. despite her aversion to letting people into her problems, she found herself wanting to confide in professor lupin. she knew, instinctually, that he cared and would not judge her.

"i- i don't really feel like myself a lot of the time? i sometimes, um, don't really feel real and all i can hear are the voices in my head telling me that i'm not good enough, not worth the air i breathe. and, and the cutting helps, with the voices and it brings me back to reality. i know it's bad, i do, but i can't stop. i just can't ever seem to quit," y/n confessed. lupin nodded along like whatever just came out of her mouth made any sense. it did to him; he empathized with her perfectly. her pain was so vivid, so real and fresh, it brought him right back to his school days. sirius had been his savior back then. they saved each other.

lupin gave her a huge hug, and after a second, she hugged him back, definitely getting tears and snot all over his sweater. he smelled like chocolate and cinnamon. once they finally pulled apart. he looked at her straight in the eyes.

"i'm here for you. you are good. you are such an amazing person and you are good enough, just the way you are. i know the pain feels all consuming, but someday you will see that you have a life worth living, and i'm going to help you get there."

y/n nodded, tears she had been holding back for months broke through. he didn't hate her.

he was going to help.