Remus Lupin Comfort 🤎

punish

tw‼️sh, eating disorder talk

tears burned her eyes as she practically sprinted to the bathroom. stupid stupid stupid. how could she mess up like that?

the urge to punish herself quickly overcame y/n. she locked herself in a stall and tried to calm her breathing down, just in case someone came in they wouldn't know she was there.

she had been trying to stay clean from self harm but without anyone supporting her she felt too alone and hopeless to go more than a couple of days without making her skin bleed. it was an addiction, just as bad as drugs or alcohol or gambling. it was the same with starving herself. once she started, it was impossible to stop.

a familiar numbness overtook her. y/n reached into her school bag and grabbed the razor blade she kept in there for this specific purpose. internally debating for a second, y/n thought just one more time, then i'll stop. the same excuse. over and over and over again. you deserve this.

pulling up her sleeve, y/n stared at the multitude of scars littering her forearm. not willing to waste anymore time, she pressed the blade into the fragile skin of her wrist, starting out shallower but quickly advancing to deeper cuts.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

blood trickled down her arm as guilt and satisfaction swayed inside of y/n. she knew it was bad, but why did something bad feel so good?

y/n wiped the blade off with her sleeve and shoved it back into her bag. not bothering to address her wounds any more than just wiping off the blood and pulling down her sleeve.

the bell for the next class rang right as y/n was exiting the bathroom. shit, i'm going to be late for transfiguration. she hurried to professor mcgonagall's classroom as fast as she could, and awkwardly slid into her seat under the professor's stern frown. hermione gave y/n an odd look.

"are you ok?" she mouthed silently. y/n nodded unconvincingly and turned back around to face the front of the room. a few other people were side eyeing y/n but she ignored them and tried to focus on mcgonagall's lecture and 'do something right for once'.

finally, after a rather boring hour of transfiguration, the bell rang once again. instead of feeling relief, new anxiety unleashed itself upon y/n. lunchtime. time to force herself to pick at hogwart's calorie dense foods and pretend to not be hungry, even though she was always hungry nowadays. hermione nagged at her for not eating enough, with good intentions of course, but still stressing out y/n even further. lunchtime was her least favorite part of the day.

"y/n, are you sure you're ok? you've been acting a little off lately. what did lupin want to talk to you about?" hermione questioned as they walked to the great hall.

y/n sighed. "yes hermione i'm perfectly fine, i promise," she lied weakly. the mask was wearing off, and now everyone was seeing how sad, how broken she really was inside. "and lupin was just asking me something about my paper. anyways, i don't really see how it's any of your business, really. you're always putting your nose where it doesn't belong. why can't you just give me some space once in a while?" y/n snapped out of nowhere. the guilt arrived immediately after, but it's too late; the damage had been done.

hermione backed from her, obviously hurt. "fine. sorry for caring about you i guess. i'm like the only person who does at this point, but now i see why i was wrong." she turned around and stormed away, leaving y/n behind in the crowd of students.

now you've really fucked everything up, haven't you?