Changes - Minsung

Part 21

Jisungs POV

My alarm clock rings and does its best to get me out of the land of dreams. I sleepily rub my eyes and groan as I move out of bed.
I really shouldn't have worked out so long yesterday. I stood in front of the mirror until late at night, trying to beat the bulk of the choreography into my head. At some point I just couldn't absorb anything anymore and almost fell asleep late at night on the floor of my room.

Today is Friday, which means I have the last rehearsal for this week, where we will try the choreography together for the first time. I want to do well for our group, but I also don't want to look like a no-good in front of Minoh. I want him to see that I can do it well and that I'm not just this shy little thing that he always gets on his nerves about.

I don't know when I started caring so much about his opinion....
I drag myself to school and meet my friends at the front of the school gate as usual. The older ones are there too and it's become a habit.
Felix wraps his arm around me and we walk together with Changbin to the music building.

Excited, he babbles at me, "And what are you going to wear today? I have absolutely no idea. Come to me first and help me pick out an outfit. It has to be good." A little off track I look at him without understanding. Felix catches my gaze and reminds me. " THE party?! Yisungiiii"
"Oh right" I sigh. "Well I'll see myself on the sofa tonight too" I meow exhaustedly."No way. You have to come with me. Please jisungiii. I need you. Do it for me. You know how important Hyunjin is to me." Begs the little sunshine desperately.
Parties are really not my thing. Lots of people and lots of noise. Cramped spaces. Nothing about it appeals to me. But for Lixie, I relent. "All right,"
I grumble at him. "But I owe you"...

Overjoyed he beams at me and gives me a big smack on the cheek. "Ohhh Lix you know I don't like that"
I whine and wipe my face. Still I can't help but smile.

Changbin watches the whole thing and laughs. "What's wrong with you?" i ask him."Don't let minoh see that. The good guy will get jealous of the competition..." wryly Changbin grins at me and pokes me in the side. I give him an uncomprehending look and continue walking with Felix in my arms.
What's that supposed to mean? Changbin is out of his mind, too. I quickly shake off the thought.

After the usual banter and warm-up, I'm back in front of the mirror with Minoh."Ok let's start with the first movements" he says concentrated.
Now I'm glad that I trained so much last night. The first parts of the choreography go more or less smoothly. Here and there he corrects me briefly but otherwise I do my thing well, I think.

I am more and more confident in the execution and in the movements and this self-confidence is noticeable in my dance style. Minoh looks at me from the side during the last pass and nods contentedly.

At least I think he is satisfied. What he really thinks, I can never really tell unfortunately.

We've reached the chorus now. The song I wrote is very emotional. It's about the difficulties of being stuck in a cycle of pretending that everything is okay. The narrator wants to show his support and try to help the loved one who is suffering in silence in his own space and is too afraid to share his innermost feelings. The refrain of the song asks the person hes is talking to, to stop pretending and listen to her silent cry, and that the narrator will be there to bring him out of his loneliness.

I've been able to relate to the song in many situations in life, and find now that Chan and I have added the melody for it, it's one of my best pieces.

Minoh and Changbin came up with a concept for the song of two people who mean a lot to each other. One is trying to help the other out of a difficult time because he has true feelings for him. The other is overwhelmed by his emotions and doesn't want to show his love because he thinks it's a burden.

Slowly I notice how intimate and charged the dance part becomes in the main part and at the end of my song to suitably portray the feelings my lyrics want to convey.
I have to gulp at the thought of it and get slightly nervous.
Minoh positions himself next to me for the start of the chorus. He shows me the first steps and then tries to dance his part to mine.
First we push away from each other in the movement and then he reaches out to me again.

The dance part is more or less an emotional conflict that we have to portray with our bodies. Towards the last verse, our pose has Minoh and me facing each other and pulling me towards him.
I deliberately stay far away from him and perform the movement. We both pause for a moment and he reviews the part.

"We need to be much closer at this point" he says. When it comes to dancing and choreo, Minoh is truly a perfectionist. We dance the same part again and again I back away a bit.
"It's not going to be like that. It has to be much closer. Our concept isn't convincing like that. We'll dance it again, only this time very slowly" determined Minoh.

We dance that part again. The slow tempo somehow makes it a little more intense. This time Minoh grabs me directly and pulls me towards the ending part decisively. For the ending pose, we both stand with one leg, between the legs of the other. His arm is swung around my waist and he's clawed into the back of my shirt to prevent me from backing away from him again.
His other hand strokre in the back of my hair.
My hands are merely resting on his torso. I can feel his muscles through his shirt.

"This is how our posture has to be at the end. Got it?" Minoh is so focused when he dances. I don't think he realizes how close we are like this.
Although even now I'm trying to keep as much distance from him as possible.

"Well then now one last time in fast" Minoh says and let go of me. "Let's try everything from the beginning as if we have to present today. Pull yourself together one more time, like you're a good dancer". Challengingly, I sparkle at him. Fine dance king Minoh, I think to myself snappishly. Then I'll show you that I can do it just as well as you. I'm certainly not holding back anymore.

The music starts again and we begin our performance.I really give everything this time. Every movement, every facial expression that belongs to it, I live it out completely. I turn off my head and just let myself be guided by the melody of my song and get lost in it.
Completely intoxicated by the lyrics and all the feelings I once processed in it, I get more and more involved in the movements with Minoh.It comes to the final part and I give everything again.

I push Minoh away from me and turn to the side. He tries to reach me again and pulls me towards him in our ending pose.
Exhausted, Minoh and I breathe heavily on each other.
He's close. Way too close. My forehead is pressed against his and we sparkle at each other with our eyes. I feel Minoh's hand on the bare skin of my back and the other anchored hardly in my hair.
Slowly, I come back to myself.
I feel strange. I think I'm losing control...

My heartbeat starts to race even more and I hold my breath. I try to break away and take a step back, but Minoh won't let go of me. He looks me in the eyes.

"Your cheeks have turned quite red, Hannie".
With the words he smirks and let go of me.
I regain my composure a little. My stomach is tingling like crazy, but I try not to let it show.

"If we do it like this and keep practicing well, we'll still manage to save our grade," Minoh suddenly says to me.
A feeling of pride comes over me. Still, I can't help but wonder why Minoh looks so calm.
Doesn't this effect him not at all? Isnt he feeling anything? Why does it all have such an effect on me?

I'm sure it's because of the song. The lyrics make me very emotional anyway.

Minoh waves his hand over my head for a moment. "That's enough for today. You did good Hannie."
His confirmation makes me start grinning.