AWAKENED HEART (The first heartbeat)

CHAPTER 34

Xiao Zhan calmed down a little and still in Yibo's embrace and held Yibo tightly and said to him...

"I'm sorry Yibo...I'm so sorry...(sobs) all this is just too much for me to handle. I'm so tired to having to hide from all these pains and pretend I'm alright and strong. I can't hold on anymore...so much has happened and each pain took a little of my strength with it. Now...I'm just a shell that feels hollow with no purpose. I'm feel like I'm falling into the darkest pit and there's no coming back from it, and I'm sorry...but I can't drag you down that pit with me any longer. Yibo...I'm just a mess...please...you need to think of your future...just...just let me go so that I can find myself again and you can move on with your life without me dragging you into my problems...(crying).."

"Zhan gē...how can you be so selfish...do you think I will be happy without you...? I don't even want to think of finding someone else and don't even try to push me away. It's took late for me to turn back cause I'm already in too deep and I'm not coming back from it...I don't want to. So don't tell me otherwise, I just want to be with you and if this pain is what I have to endure just so I could be with you then so be it. I'm not letting you go, you're mine...forever mine and I'm not leaving you ..so don't even think of leaving me cause I won't take it too well. You need to pull yourself together and share your feelings with me, I'm with you in this...so don't dare think of anything stupid cause I will go that same path of stupidity with you. If you care about me then you will start thinking rationally cause whatever decision you take I'll be taking it with you. If you want to go to the deepest and lowest darkest place then please remember that I'll be right there with you..!. (Upset)"

"But I don't want you to do that Yibo...don't you understand...? You cannot keep breaking your laws just for me, your life was peacefully before you met me. (Sad chuckle) to tell you the truth...my life was peacefull before I met you...I don't know what happened...how did I even end up like this...? I just need to find my bearings again...without you...I'm my father's son...his only son to be exact...but I have let him down by following what I thought was the right way to my happiness. I'm sorry...I don't want to continue with this relationship... Yibo...I'm breaking up with you...!!"

Yibo felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured on him followed by a hot one. He couldn't believe what Zhan had just said, so..he let go of Zhan from his embrace and looked at him in the eyes. He needed to see what Zhan really said, by looking at him dead in the eyes. Zhan couldn't look at him, it wasn't because he didn't want to because he did. He wanted to take a good look of the man who meant so much to him for the last time before he went away from him, but tears filled his eyes and everything became blurry for him. He couldn't see the face he wanted to see the way he wanted to see it. He wanted so much to touch Yibo's face...run his finger in his cheek up to his lips...give him the last kiss before finally telling him goodbye. Yibo was so hurt and confused...but most of all...he was mad...mad at Zhan for speaking the words he never wanted to hear especially from him. So...the minute his mind reminded him of what Zhan said, he snapped and said...

"You're what...? Zhan gē...you're not serious ...how can you talk about break up so casually...? How could you even think of such a thing...? What about me...? Have you thought what I would do without you...? You can't do this to me...you cannot leave me...I can't let you leave me...I won't...allow you to leave me...!!!"

Zhan cleared the tears from his eyes and he was about to say something when he finally saw the look on Yibo's face. The look of anger and confusion...the look that would make everyone think that he had lost everything in his life. The eyes that were filled with grief from loosing a loved one, he couldn't say what he wanted to say cause he knew it would break Yibo. He didn't know that Yibo was already broken by what he said, so...he was about to place his hand on top of Yibo's head when Yibo moved away from it and got off the bed. He didn't like it when Zhan treated him like that, he knew he was younger to him but he had made it clear that he wanted to be with him and not to be his little brother.