𝑳𝑨 𝑭𝑰𝑳𝑳𝑬 𝑨𝑼𝑿 𝑭𝑳𝑬𝑼𝑹𝑺

୭̥⋆*｡✽ 𝐥𝐯𝐢𝐢𝐢.

september 7th, 2018
SCARLETT

I WATCH AS LITA LEAVES. I want to run after her, but deep down I know I shouldn't. She made her choice... And as much as I don't like it and as much as it hurts, I have to respect it. This isn't how I thought my day would turn out.

This was our first big fight, and from my previous relationships I know how couples handle the first big fight can predict the probability of success or failure of the relationship.

I'm scared, I'm not going to lie. The lack of communication on my part caused resentment to build and eventually build to the point where an explosive relationship-ending reaction seemingly comes out of nowhere. That is something we'll need to work on if we want our relationship to last.

Lita was right, it's not insignificant. I was too focused on Rose being exposed to the media that I didn't take into account her entire life now being on display in the media for everyone to see.

I knew our first fight was coming. No matter how good the relationship appeared to be, we were going to fight sooner or later. Every couple has disagreements. It can never be all roses and rainbows in a relationship. But now I don't know what to expect. I think we were both taken by surprised. We weren't expecting to fight so soon in our relationship. I mean... everything was absolutely fine this morning.

This was the first time that our bubble of that perfect picture of the relationship we had in mind begins to get chipped around the edges.

Do I think we could've handled the situation better? 100%.

Do I think Lita overreacted? Yes.

Am I also to blame? Of course I am.

We were both idiots. Me as much as her.

I hear the front door close and the silence inside the apartment is stifling. Rose is oblivious, which I'm grateful for, while my mother watches me carefully as if I was some wounded animal which only makes me feel worse.

I just want to break and cry in mom's arms. Today as been rough... to say the least and I just need a space to unload. I'm mentally exhausted, but I can't stop. Not until Rose goes to bed, but that won't happen for another three hours. Until then I have to take care of dinner, clean the house, laundry, bath time and getting Rose ready for bed. There's so much to do! I can't keep up.

This past year has been a real challenge for me being a single mom. It's been such a hard year, and I've been working my ass off to keep things somewhat normal. I thought things were finally starting to fall into place, but I guess not. Is this just how the rest of my life is going to be? One bad surprise after another?

What did I do to deserve all this?

I'm stressed to the point of tears. I am so tired and wish I could run away, but I can't.

Deep breaths in...

I swallow my tears and put on the best smile as I possibly can. I sit next to my daughter and take her headphones so we can talk for a second. "What do you want to eat for dinner Rosie?"

Rose thinks about it for a second before telling me she wants chocolate for dinner and that is just not possible. She goes to take the headphones back from me, but I hold it out of her reach. "We can't have chocolate for dinner baby you know that, how about for dessert hm?"

"That sucks!" She exclaims. I stay silent at her outburst, definitely taken back because she doesn't usually behave like this though she quickly takes it back before losing her chance to get what she wants for dessert. "Deal." She reluctantly says. She tries to reach for her headphones once again, but I'm not done talking.