Human Touch

i

Nandani Mathur

[ unwinding pages, Ch-1 of my esse]

21 yrs old girl, What would people have made up an idea of this woman, she might be mature, sensible, or ambitious like a hot air balloon? But the world never knows how this 21yrs old woman is mature but not that ambitious and rational. She's a dreamer inside, runs through stress, overthinking and whatnot. Her love for romantic novels makes her blush endlessly, she knows her unrealistic dreams while she works on her real ones. She dreams of living a life of a rich girl and having relaxed life while sitting on a couch, she's indeed a couch potato and a very abled dreamer.

Furthermore, she has mastered procrastination, while perfectionism doesn't let her compromise with herself. Deciding heart, she's always known for. But fortunately or unfortunately, she's grown with detachment issues. Understanding is the only part that is left with society.

Growing up was hard for her, her silent & surpassing nature took a toll on her esteem. She grew up with very low self-esteem, utterly unaware of her capabilities, and she's lost in her insecurities. Her emotions welled against the world, no one would care for her heart, that's precious.

8yrs old she was when she got a new friend, someone to confide in and rely on. While she is happy having her companion where she can be an open book, fate makes her out of her bubble and made her see reality. She cried a lot but she's not less than a warrior. She made herself independent emotionally and continues to live in solitude.

Through ink-stained pages and whispered verses,

I seek to immerse myself in the universe.

With words as my brushes and poetry as my art,

I paint my dreams on the canvas of my heart.

I am Nandani Mathur, an Indian woman true,

A storyteller, a dreamer, with skies to pursue.

I'm living in a "City Of Hearts", since 21yrs, & this city carries vast memories. Welcoming you all to my world, which is complex but beautiful, simple but unknown, unless you're a closed book, you'll understand the rhymes of my words deeply. I've always learnt to share is caring, and so is sharing the pain is care towards the self. Trusting enough others was very hard for me, especially a girl with a broken heart, I'm learning to survive through vulnerable moments, through weak and unbearable self, I'm still learning.

Not knowing whether to do so or not, I'm still an intuitive person, whose guidance is its inner voice. You know what I believe is, the inner voice is another way of god saying "I'm with you always thin & through."

I always use to have good & deep conversations with myself, I think that's the most beautiful part of my day. I'm always pissed off whenever anyone interrupts. Talking about myself, putting my opinions, having a good group discussion or having a plan to overthink the acts of myself I did 3yrs ago. Is another way to spoil my moods.

Watching fav shows, and having debates w my close ones are two things I usually love to end the day with.

Finally, I entered my teenage - the years when hormones were at their peak, logic at the bottom and the heart's voice is only what fills our head.

A mad magic we're in, it's rightly said "Teens are the mad influence in human stage". Getting into all the madness of the world, becomes our passion, being rebellious for our needs, and wants.

Arguments conflict over opinions, revolves around teens might be with parents, friends and anyone we're related to. Rushing phases, rushing emotions and fast pace life were all I need. But do I need them?

I'm still confused, about my own choices, my head is stuck into so many options. I accept I can't be defined by my choices but by an energy that drives me into this crazy mad shell.

Crushes & infatuation are carried by my growing shoulders, not knowing any meaning I drove through blindly or unusually sling myself in this unknown yet beautiful imperfect phase of my life. Mistakes, past burial, are they? I agree some can't be forgiven, some can't be forgotten. Seeing everyone's life, see how happy they're! But are they? I never asked myself, was lost in my own insecurities.

Wanted to see myself happy like them but never knew the dark side. Was it my immaturity or my ignorance towards them? I never realised unless I saw news of my friend's death.

That's the point my heart turned introspective, I was dawning into a realisation of what life means, in reality and what it was in my dreams.

From that day, I stopped complaining, and I made my life go with the flow, but something was eating me up silently. was I really sad about the death or was grieving for the newfound realisation? I thought I'd been insensitive and lacked emotions, but "no". It wasn't the case I was truly grieving for the loss, not openly but very silently & unaware completely.

"I was depressed."

How was Nandani Mathur for you?

Answer some questions for her ;

What she should do to deal with her teen emotions?

What she should do to heal her grieving heart?

What she should do for her to calm her heart?

Answer some questions from the author's side ;

Did you relate with Nandani?

Ever felt the same as her?

What did you like the most about her?

Which problem/issue do you want Nandani to address & share with you?

a) Depression

b) Social anxiety

c) Fear of losing

Vote, comment Share.

hope you love the first page of her life.

Do comment, they'll def help & motivate me to write more.

Signing off

S.J

God Bless. <3