Human Touch

ii

Nandani Mathur 2.0
[

unwinding ease, ch-2 of my life]

Emptiness in a room or in the heart defines something that eats you up. Void or emptiness never leaves the space it covers in thoughts, a lump in the throat. Thoughts that degrade human space slowly, basically a slow death. It seems the world's moving while you're still in that hole, who's lost all hope, all belief for that light, that chance to be given. It's unfortunate to face that darkness, which is wholly silent yet drawing.

I wrote something for you, while I made myself comfortable in the silent corner of my room. Wishing you all to hear my heart's voice and wish to become a part of my healing journey, that's more than just mere words.

Something in my heart,

sometimes ago, something in my heart

somewhere I used to belong forever.

longed for you a lot, your presence was missed.

realizing my mistakes, guilt took over the place.

flashback to our memories throbbed in my heart.

tears in my eyes, told untold, unseen moments.

of my life, that pass without you.

making you realize I never lived without you.

My Wishlist & bucket list were all kept in my drawers.

unfinished, unfulfilled & like an incomplete desire

unwritten promises you gave were still ringing.

every corner, every room tells another story of us,

from arguments to lovey-dovey sites, we've come a long way.

maybe too much to the extent I regret I moved on.

I'd regret the moment we walked our own paths,

complaining roads can't match when I realized.

it's too late to call it my sane mistake.

holding hands, leaving each other, for each other

got no one's back yet met together, secretly.

wishing to be in love again, to believe in forever again.

being cozy in a warm blanket was our love language.

walking miles I missed a blanket, until or without you.

Cause, there's something in the heart.

sometimes in life, are not to be said.,

need not to be fallen forever.

that bothers me,

Cause something in my heart

Sometimes in life, I miss holding you.

I miss those glances that chose to fall on me.

"I miss, Somewhere I used to belong forever.''

I know you're crying, yes, I know, don't say no, please. It's okay too, I promise it'll be a secret between us.

Wishing every day to be new, but still, it's the same, the same misery, the same void that leaves my heart broken.

This voice, that you and I listen inside whenever we feel we’re at our end. It kills us not aware of certain consequences it says me to kill myself. Fortunately, they’re passive right now.

Night has become solemnly my place to stay in. Sleeping is my solace, comfortably lying in the warmth of unawareness.

Recently I was accused of being selfish, so much selfish. It wasn't surprising for me how I was accused.

“But that's the only way I can take care of myself”. I replied, for which I am proud of.

I tried to make my thoughts numb, I don't want any pity, telling myself all over again I was telling myself to stop before it's visible in the mirror of my heart.

Constantly shifting the blame on me, made me feel uneasy for my own existence. Noteworthy change in me was being blunt, setting up strong boundaries.

I know this iriks them, I don't give a damn about it. I know what I am doing and why so.

During and now the depression phase has taught me well, that it's a silent killer, never makes any noise, never lets anyone know and gets understood.

It comes with the fear of losing, fear of repeating history and a lot more.

Trusting again is always an overwhelming, daunting and real horrible experience. Never easy I know. Vulnerabilities aren't easy to embrace, societal norms, life pressure and responsibilities don't let us embrace them.

There's no need for poison, the irony of life is it gives us a mind - filled with emptiness, a lot more silenced by heart. A mask that I and you wear is always overwhelming and exhausting . Fear cripples up with the very uncomfortable thought of someone looking over our facades that took years to form.

Expectations aren't the very best thing to have with me, I'm on my own unexpected journey where I am still discovering the expectations I should have with myself.

Giving up and gaining is the summary of my life. Death of my best friend made me a closed off person, I decided to never be attached to someone to this extent . The very unknown fact that was not known to anyone else was my depression before her leaving. I usually stopped talking with everyone, sitting in an isolated corner was my every other day.

Giving up and gaining is the summary of my life. The death of my best friend made me a closed off person, I decided to never be attached to someone to this extent . The very unknown fact that was not known to anyone else was my depression before her leaving. I usually stopped talking with everyone, sitting in an isolated corner was my every other day.

Countless times, countless hours I was suicidal no one's noticed.  Crying at night, smiling in the morning gives the facade to settle in easily.

I got so accustomed to this curtain that I made it my clothes, identity. Now identify the real me? It's a complex task now.  It's very easy to advise us then to bear the pain for them.

Wishing this darkness to pass, making my heart warm yet standing on its own feet.

Slowly and steadily, I realized like the dawn of the moment -

“Poison doesn't kill you, thoughts do. ”

How was Nandani Mathur 2.0 for you?

Answer some questions for her,
- What does she do to cope up with depression?
- Give 4 ways to heal her aching heart.

Answer some questions for the author
-Ever faced depression in your life?
- What helped you out?

- Relate your life with Nandani Mathur 2.0?
- What did u liked about Nandani Mathur?

- Next problem that she should share
a. Social Anxiety.
b. Abandonment issue
c. Her unforgiving nature.

Signing off.

M.S
God bless