Echoes of Emotion (Sebastian Sallow x OC)

Chapter 26 - A Starry Night

It had been a while since I'd seen the others.
But this time, it wasn't me doing the avoiding.
It seemed that after the truth came out in the scriptorium, everyone was having doubts, especially Natty and Poppy.
Each time I saw them, they would give a quick smile, or make some excuse to go somewhere else, refusing to say what was on their minds.
But I could see it in their eyes.
They were scared.

I couldn't blame them, really.
They could handle themselves just fine, and they weren't exactly opposed to breaking the rules.
But breaking the law was a whole other issue.

It wasn't much different with Ominis.
Every time I tried to talk to Ominis, he seemed withdrawn, and he would always have a mask of disappointment cover his face.
The guilt that accompanied it didn't make our conversations the most inviting.
I felt bad for causing him such pain, especially after what he went through during the winter break.
I just hoped we'd be able to work past it, that he could forgive me as he had Sebastian.

Which was another issue.
Sebastian.
Even after saying we needed to speak after the scriptorium, he hadn't said a word to me.
In fact, he seemed more withdrawn than before.
I had even tried to find him in the undercroft and library, but alas, it seemed he was determined to be left alone, because he had found another place to hide away.
It was frustrating.
After spending so much time together, I'd thought we'd gained a better understanding of one another.
That we were past these long silences before suddenly popping up again like nothing had happened.
I guess I was wrong.

Yet, there was a part of me that was glad.
Because something had changed in me after that day.

I had initially noticed it when I started adjusting to the added power, going into the forbidden forest to train.
I was more violent.
More bloodthirsty.
It was something I couldn't control, but every time I would fight, I would just get images flashing through my mind.
Images of my father, Sage, my friends, Rookwood, Fig, Ranrok, Hunter, and then... nothing.
It was like I went blind.
But not so that I was surrounded by darkness.
I just saw red.

And that was something I was glad my friends didn't see.
They already viewed me as a monster, and now, I was beginning to believe they were right.

I laid in bed, wide awake, as these thoughts circled my brain.
My face twisted as I tried to think of a solution, just like every night these past weeks.
But alas, I couldn't think of anything.
Those images blocking every avenue I went down.

I could feel myself getting more frustrated by the second, gripping my pillow as I prepared to scream into it.
Yet, I knew I couldn't.
Because Imelda would kill me if I woke her up again.

Finally, I decided to go on a walk, hoping it would clear my head.
So, I quietly got up from my bed, since I hadn't even bothered to change into pyjamas anyways, and left the dorm.
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As I walked past the castle grounds, I couldn't help but look up at the clear sky, admiring it since the winter didn't usually allow for the stars to shine through.
The moon lit up the path ahead, as though it were guiding me, and I just followed aimlessly, trusting its guidance.
It's not like I had anywhere else to be.
Maybe it would lead me to the end of my worries, to some magic solution that would end all of this.
Or maybe it would lead me straight into disaster.
Either way, it was better than laying in bed wondering how to convince the world I wasn't a monster when I wasn't too sure of it myself.

However, the path led me to something I hadn't expected at all.
It was nothing amazing, but nothing scary either.
It led me to an astronomy table.
And there, looking at the stars, was Amit.

After a moment of debating, I decided to go and say hi.
At least he wouldn't try to avoid me.
I think.

"Hi, Amit." I greeted, making him jump away from the telescope.
He seemed scared as his eyes adjusted to the dark, but once he saw it was me, he let out a breath of relief.
"Hi, Emerald." He replied, smiling at me before looking down at the notes he'd displayed on the table.

"Anything interesting?" I asked, stepping closer to take a look.
"Oh yes, there's always something interesting, no matter how many times you gaze at the sky. Would you like to take a look?" he asked, pointing towards the telescope.
I nodded before grabbing the telescope, peering into it.

It seemed that it was already pointed at the constellation, and it was clear that it was the Phoenix constellation.
A sharp pain shot through my chest as I saw it, the feather I'd given Sebastian becoming clear in my mind.
I stepped back from the telescope quickly, trying to shake the image away before I began to spiral.

Amit noticed this sudden reaction, looking at me with concerned eyes as he put down his quill.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, clearly worried.
I nodded quickly, trying to compose myself, embarrassed at the reaction.
"Yes. There's just been a lot going on recently." I answered with a sheepish laugh.
Even if I wanted to tell him, how would I do it without seeming crazy?
"Oh. Anything I can help with?" he wondered, but I just shook my head.
"No, it's okay. I'll be fine." I answered quickly, waving my hands dismissively before dropping my head.
"I think I have to fix this on my own." I added in a lower voice, feeling my face drop as the words came out my mouth.

Amit paused for a moment, before turning back to his quill, seeming unsure of how to deal with this situation.
"Maybe Sebastian can help? Or Natty and Poppy? You all seem quite close." he suggested, causing the frown on my face to deepen.
"Maybe..." I whispered, trying to remain somewhat hopeful.

It was quiet again after that as I watched Amit take down notes, darting back and fourth between the telescope and the quill.
After a while though, he seemed to just begin tracing the constellation, gazing at the stars occasionally, a smile on his face.
"You know, it's nice to have someone here on these nights, it gets quite lonely sometimes." he admitted, turning to me with a soft smile.
"Well, let me know whenever you're heading out, I'd love to join you." I returned the smile, glad to know I hadn't ruined his mood.

His face seemed to light up at this offer.
"Really? That would be great! You're nice company." he beamed, the last part catching me slightly off guard.
"That's good to hear. It seems I've managed to upset everyone else..." I admitted, not sure what to make of his comment.
Did he really think he knew me well enough to make that judgement?

Amit's face changed at the statement, his eyes widening as realisation hit him, before tilting his head to the side in question.
"Is that what's bothering you?" he asked, to which I nodded slightly, avoiding his gaze.
He also looked off into the distance, grabbing his chin as he scrunched up his face, deep in thought.
"I had noticed that the others were acting differently too." he commented, catching my attention.
I had only noticed the way they were acting towards me, so I could only wonder what Amit had observed.

However, before I had the chance to ask, Amit turned to me, a comforting look on his face, before placing his hand on my shoulder awkwardly.
"I'm sure whatever it is, they'll come around." he started, acting stiff as he pushed himself out of his comfort zone, not used to emotional situations.
I smiled encouragingly, trying to indicate he was doing a good job, which seemed to help slightly as he relaxed, replaced with a blush rising on his cheeks.
"You're a nice person, Emerald." he continued, his voice sounding more relaxed, more genuine.

"You really think so?" I asked, my voice coming out small.
I didn't even know what to believe about good and bad anymore, let alone where I fell in those categories.
But something about the way he was persisting made me want to listen, to grab and sort of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could believe him.

"Of course. You seem to have a gift for getting into trouble, trust me, I'm still having nightmares about the whole Goblin ordeal, but you have a kind heart. I've never believed you to have ill will towards anyone." he finished.
I felt myself tear up at his words, looking away as to not scare him.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything else, scared that the wrong word would let it all out.
He didn't know how much I needed to hear that right now.
Yet, here he was, willing to lend me help when I needed it, even though we weren't that close.
I may not know where I am in terms of good and bad, but if people like Amit can believe such things, I couldn't be doing too bad.

After a while, I managed to gather the strength to look up at him, smiling as I did.
"Thank you, Amit. That means a lot."