When Secret Places Collide

Tara

My heart beats hard and fast against my chest, like a birds. Can he hear it? His face is so close to mine. Questions fill my head. What is going to happen next? What do I want to happen? What is he going to do? His finger lingers when it brushes against my ear.

My mouth is dry, but I manage to ask him another question, "Are you going-"

Without warning soft, fat lips land on mine. I gasp. I stud Martie's cheek and his closed eyes. Oh shit. Should I close my eyes? Before I can make a decision Martie pulls away. I watch as his pupils dilate when he opens his eyes and looks at me. I exhale and inhale again. I exhale then inhale then exhale then inhale then exhale until I am hyperventilating. My hands begin to shake. I pull my knees tighter to my chest. I hold my breath as I try to calm down.

Why am I having an attack now, of all the times that this could have happened it had to happen right after he kissed me?

Martie's face is pale white and his opened is a state of alarm. "Oh my god! Are you okay? What is happening?"

"I.. I'm having a panic attack," I get out.

"Oh fuck! Shit! What should I do? How can I help?"

"Nothing." Martie stands up but hits his head on the ceiling of the tree house. This brings a small smile to my face. I feel my heart rate start to slow down. Martie starts to pace, but he has to duck his head under the beams that hold up the roof. It is very obvious that he is uncomfortable in the situation.

My breathing returns to normal and my body stops shaking. "Martie?" I say. He cocks his head at me in acknowledgement. "Martie, I'm fine now."

"Really? Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes, I'm fine. That sort of thing happens to me a lot. I'm just sorry that you had to see it. Sometimes it's not very pretty." I say looking away to stare at my shoes feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry that I freaked out. I just didn't know what to do or how to handle it," he say, sitting back down beside me.

"It's alright." I let my hands fall down from around my knees.

I don't want to talk about the events before the attack. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know how he feels and I am afraid to ask.

Martie also lets his hand land in the space beside us. I watch as he inches his hand towards mine and eventually loops in pinky finger into mine as if to ask permission for further invasion.