Carnival of Light || Paul McCartney/Beatles

22. Lost Weekends at the Chateau Marmont

Carnival of Light (Part 2)

22.

After Paul left, I felt depressed and conflicted. I couldn't shake this achy feeling that I was walking around without a limb. Something was always missing, and my thoughts started grazing up against the idea of returning to London, an idea that made me so anxious I swiftly wrote it off until the achy missing limb feeling became too much to ignore and then I'd consider it and write it off again.

I didn't leave my suite in the days leading up to Christmas, becoming totally focused on my new novel. When people rang I made my excuses, most frequently to Mia, who'd finished filming Rosemary's Baby and seemed at a loose end with her divorce going through and no job to go to, but I didn't have the emotional capacity to be her babysitter and guru.

On Christmas morning, there was a knock on my door, and I briefly entertained a fantasy of it being Paul as I went to open it. But it was Eve, looking absolutely dreadful with her hair a mess and her shirt misbuttoned and her shoes in her hand.

"Are you alright?" I ushered her inside and she staggered over to the couch, collapsing on it rather dramatically.

"Never do cocaine," she groaned. "My skin is crawling."

"It does have that side effect," I said wryly, pushing the door closed. "What are you doing here?"

"Gram Parsons is staying down the hall. I've been in his room for the last two days," Eve sighed, covering her eyes with her hand. "He had this German pharmaceutical stuff. Oh my God, it was so good. I had to get out of there before we did all of it."

"You've been doing cocaine in Gram Parsons' room for two days?" I said incredulously.

"I've got to be at my parents in a few hours," Eve shot me a pleading look. "Can I get a shower and a nap here first?"

"Of course," I pulled my cigarettes off my desk and offered her one.

"Did you hear about Michelle?" Eve shot me an appraising look as I struck a match for us.

I frowned. "What about her?"

"John knocked her up," Eve said bluntly, exhaling a plume of smoke.

"What?" My eyes widened.

"Yeah," Eve made a face. "And she didn't realise it until she was like four months in so it's too late to go to Mexico to get it taken care of."

"Four months?" I said incredulously. "Michelle is four months pregnant?

"Probably more like five now," Eve shrugged. "How do you not realise you're that pregnant? I mean fuck, you miss a period you get yourself checked out. That's the first rule of fucking."

I was too shocked to respond to that. "Is she alright?"

"She's back with John now," Eve shrugged. "Who knows."

"Bloody hell," I looked at the burning end of my fag and thought about what Michelle had told me about John. And now she was having a baby with him. She was stuck with him unless she wanted to do it alone.

Eve squinted at me. "Oh, fuck. You're not pregnant too, are you?"

"What?" I scoffed. "Of course not."

"Are you sure?" She looked unconvinced. "You've been pretty quiet lately."

"I had my period a few days ago, thank you," I said dryly.

"Thank God for that," Eve sighed out a cloud of smoke. "Are you just hanging out here alone today?"

"Yes," I was still wrapped up in my thoughts of being trapped with a man you didn't even like because of a baby.