My sisters Boyfriend

I am alone

I was still having these weird feelings in my stomach, but it was getting worse. When i see mikasa now, all I can feel is anger. Am I envious of her and levi. No I cant be... Levi is a guy, I'm a guy. But theres nothing wrong with gay people. But i'm not gay. But i've never had a girlfriend so how do I know. Damn it eren. Shut up! stop arguing with yourself.

I strolled into school late and made my way towards the drama room

''Ahh eren, you arrived!'' miss momsen cheered as I walked in, I spotted Mikasa, glaring at me. Shit she was going to go ape because I was late to class. I nodded in response and took my seat, thank god today was a theory day and not a practical. I usually speak my mind in hear -other than about jean- so i probably would of blurted something about my sexuality out

''Mikasa, can you come with me to get some stuff out of the store cupbored'' Miss Momsen spoke up, Mikasa nodded and walked away with her

''Miss Momsen really is fit'' I heard Connie say to Jean behind me

''she sure is, I'd tap that'' Jean replied. This conversation stared to make me feel really uneasy

''Guys shes a teacher, you can't really say that'' marco replied to there conversation, Thank you freckles! I prayed in my head

''You seriously don't think she's hot'' Connie asked him

''Shes like twice our age'' Marco replied .... and female I thought to myself.. wait what no I'm not gay!

''What was that jaeger'' I felt a kick in the back of my seat, shit did i speak out loud. Fuck my miserable horrible life ''Did you just say, and female'' Jean spoke back up. I felt my face burn a light color of red

''N-no'' I stuttered 

''Jaeger, are you gay!'' Jean shouted and the whole class turned to stare at me, Thank god Mikasa wasn't in the class. I turned to see armin stare at my, sympathetically

''U-Um N-no, I-Im perfectly, S-straight'' I stuttered, damn it eren damn it damn it damn it

''Yeah right, when was the last time you had a girl friend'' He asked me 

''Never' I whispered

''Hahaa! everyone! Jaeger is gay!'' Jean yelled and the whole class stared at me, some of them snickered, I put my head down and stared at my question sheet trying to hold back the tears as they pricked at my eyes but it wouldn't work, I felt them fall slowly down my cheeks so I just tried my best to stay silent. What on earth is going on with me? Yesterday I was crying over being usless and unwanted and my parents being dead now I am crying over thinking I'm gay... what the fu*k eren, pull yourself together

''Eren can you stay behind for a bit'' Miss Momsen spoke up as the bell went and the others left the class. I nodded and remained in my seat.

''Eren, whats bothering you'' She asked me as she sat on the desk beside mine once everyone had left

''Nothing'' I lied to her

''Eren I know you're lying, I seen you cry during class'' Once she said this the tears began to well in my eyes again

''I-I just don't know what to do miss. My sisters boyfriend was around last night and every time he spoke to me I got butterflys and then he said something that really upset me and it made me feel like shit and then I started to get angry with Mikasa every time she laughed at him or spoke about him'' I admitted that much to her, I knew i could trust her but i didn't wanted to tell her about my parents

''Oh, well Eren. It sounds like you have a crush'' She rubbed the back of my head lightly

''B-but h-hed a guy'' I whimpered, not wanting to admit it to myself

''And thats perfectly normal, gay relationships are the cutest'' she chuckled ''But he goes out with your sister so thats a problem. Try talking to someone at home about your sexuality'' As she said that it felt like a dagger went through my heart, there was no-one at home to talk to. I forced a smile onto my face and nodded 

''Thank you miss'' I said walking out of the class room. I had to go home, there was no way I could deal with this place for the rest of the day. So I left school and made my way home. Breaking down as soon as i closed my front door.

''Mom, Dad... I miss you both so much, I would do anything to swap my life for you twos'' I whispered to myself as I let the blade dance across the skin on my wrists cutting deeper and deeper. Instead of instantly cleaning the wounds I let the blood trickle down my wrist and off my finger tips staining the white rug I was sitting on. I sat for at least twenty minutes crying whilst listening to black veil brides Carolyn and savior  on repeat before I decided to clean my wrist up and bandage it. I slumped back down onto the rug and let a couple of more tears fall

''You're not alone and we'll brave this storm, and face today....... You're not alone'' I whispered along to the chorus of Carolyn whilst clutching at my stomach that felt ill

''I am alone'' I whispered again letting more tears slide down my cheeks