Our Secret - Tom Kaulitz

Feelings

Tom's pov

As I left the alley I pulled out my phone and called Bill to try and get my mind off the conversation I had just had. I couldn't get my mind off Lina though, she was so beautiful even if I just met her I could tell she was different. Most girls wouldn't want to talk somewhere private, they always want to show me off to their little girl friends and brag about how good I am. She actually had a conversation with me, she was so nice too she knew I was uncomfortable I know she knew.
I continued walking to my car, I already saw some girls looking at me from inside the cafe and I waved with a smile. Of course, they all covered their mouths and waves back aggressively. I got in my car and didn't even realize or remember that Bill was talking to me.
"Tom? Are you okay?" His voice was a bit muffled, I closed my car door and started it. "Yeah sorry I'm fine. Just zoning out a bit." I put my hand on the driving wheel and started to back out of the parking lot. "Oh alright. You just went a bit quiet there. What were you thinking about?" I hesitated for a bit. "Oh well I saw that girl from last night." Bill got quite which made me nervous, did I sound weird why was he so curious anyways? "Oh! Did you flirt with her like usual?" He chuckled, waiting for me to respond. I can't tell him we just sat and talked but I can't lie so much or he'll know. "No, too many girls. I can't have them thinking I'm taken!" I laughed, I hated how I felt differently with a total stranger than with my own brother. "True! Well anyways, come back to the house Hana is waiting for you." God not her. "Alright." I flipped my phone shut, ending the call. Hana is always wrapped around me it's annoying, she's one of those girls who has me pay for all her shit and brags about me to her friends like we're dating.
She goes to all my races and always sits in my car for every race. She is beautiful I'll give her that, but she's nothing special. She's very slim, she has black long silky hair and her eyes are piercing. I love the way she makes me feel but her attitude is exhausting and I wished I hadn't slept with her. I continued driving trying to not drive so fast I really didn't want to go home now. I told her I only wanted to sleep with her and nothing more, but she doesn't get that I also meant I don't want to see her every single day.

I pulled into the parking lot and stopped my car, I got out and walked into the house. I thought about Lina again, the way she made my heart beat when I first saw her. I don't want Bill or the other guys to think I'm going soft, I'm known for being this way. Always having girls in my room, never sticking to one of them. I sighed again while I went up the stairs to see Bill. "Hey, she's upstairs in your room." I mentally gagged. "Alright thanks." He laughed while I went up to my room, we always joked with each other about how many girl I got but all I wanted was to see Lina and I didn't know why. Did I love her or did I love her because of her beauty?
I

opened my door and saw Hana, she was sat on my bed running her fingers on my grey blanket. She looked up and saw me and ran to wrap her slim arms around mine. "Ah you're here sweetheart!" She was someone I could easily stay tough with, I was never close or nice towards any of the girls I slept with. "Get off me." I shoved her off, I don't think I've ever felt bad for being rough with anyone. I'm surprised I was so open towards Lina today, why am I thinking about her again?! I sighed and sat down on my bed, Hana smiled wide and sat next to me, she leaned on my lap and kissed my cheek. "I wish you could be my boyfriend Tom." Her desperate eyes annoyed me, I shoved her off me again. "Stop touching me." She pouted and thought for a moment for once. "Are you still hooked on that one girl from yesterday? Don't tell me you actually love her?!" I looked at her pissed. "Wow!" She lightly pushed me, she was too weak to actually knock me to my side. "Tom Kaulitz.. aren't you supposed to be the mysterious man who never EVER falls in love?" She giggled and I put my fist in a ball. She pushed away from me and stood up. "What would the others think of you if they knew you actually fell in love with a girl you just met?" I stood up and grabbed her chin and spun her around aggressively, making her flinch. "I am not in love with anyone, you tell a single person that lie and I'll fuckin find you." I was really pissed, she didn't scare me. "Alright sweetheart, your secret is safe with me!" She put her hand on mine and I quickly let her go.

She opened my door and looked back at me. "But please Tom, don't fall in love with that girl. Don't ruin your status over a stranger like her. You know Bill would be disappointed love~!" She smiled and closed the door, I sat down and covered my face in my hands. God I was so stupid, how did she manage to even figure that out? I can't risk her running that rumor around Tokyo. I'm supposed to be tough, love is such a pointless think I doubt Lina even loves me like that anyways, she knows nothing about me and I know nothing about her. Bill soon walked in and sat by me patting my back, for a second I was scared she told him. "Are you okay? Did she say something?" I envy my little brother so much, he doesn't have this reputation of being the tough one, he's free to be whoever. He depends on me, I just don't know how long I can keep this up, I've never had feelings for anyone before why did she have to show up. "No, it's fine I'm okay just tired." Bill brought me to a hug, I wish I didn't change, we used to be the same when we were younger. Maybe if I stayed the same I wouldn't have to hide these weird feelings.

"Get some rest Tom okay? Last night was a lot for your head." I feel like I'm being dramatic, it's just feelings, ones I've never felt sure but he's my brother I should trust him. I just don't want him to think I'm soft. "No it's fine really Bill I'm okay!" I stood up and walked downstairs to get a beer. Bill soon followed me but sat on the couch to watch TV, i know he was concerned for me but I had to keep this up for him for the guys and for my status.

Why'd it have to be her who gave me these weird feelings, am I really in love with this girl? I feel so weird. Normally I wouldn't mind having sex with Hana but I pushed her away? I was thinking of Lani the entire time I've never cared this much about some girl. She didn't even fall for me like most girls do. I'm thinking about this too much, there's no way I love her. I just like how she looks that's it.