Smiling Glooom

2

"I always wondered why all the films protagonist was a male. Why is it that all the time, the sad one has to be a guy? Why has it never been a woman?"

She related to the male counterpart than the female, when he was sad, heartbroken but then they all got their happy ending. Even in a twisted way. Even when the girl died the boy survived, made a life out of himself, or the other way around. It was always a happy ending yet she questioned herself as to why we never saw a glooming female protagonist.

If she ever saw one, she would know what to do. She would believe that theres some hope for her too, that she would also survive and actually have that happy ending which she dreamt of as a child.

With time she is more and more convinced that it would never come. Her happy ending. She has never seen one real, it was always fictional and it was always the male, especially in many Bollywood movies, who drank, partied, changed principles, tried to be in other relationships, attempted at love, failed, but they all somehow got their love at the end of the two-hour story. They all survived, the men.

She always wondered when will she find answers, when will she finally start the road to happiness. But after 6 years, four to five attempts at love and a phone call, she decided that she would finally put the thoughts into paper and hope she would find that courage at the end, to do what she has to do. In the end, he who started this journey is going to end it. Of course, she never held him accountable. She never said he ruined her, there was nothing much to ruin in her anyway. He just broke her hope, her faith thats all. Whats a human without hope?

It has been long since she watched a depressing movie. She realized it was the second time. Last she watched; it was because he suggested it. She cried and cried and then thought would he be there when, if she died too? She would never know. This time, though the whole movie was sad and full of awakening memories, they got their happy ending. Now what is the purpose of that to a girl who has lost all hope.

These four walls know most of her tears, her sorrows her laughs, her smiles and lust. Everything in her life was within these four walls, now they are witnessing the story unfold. If only they were alive, which many a time she has even spoken to out of loneliness, they would take the stand on her behalf. But like all things living around her, she doesnt believe in that fact that nothing alive would be witnesses of her lines of thought. They all would say otherwise.

In a way, she is a brilliant little actor herself. She didnt know, after all that realness and his acting she would master the trade which he did so well. So when she would finally do it, nobody would point fingers at anyone in her family. They would be safe. After all, that why they all deny it and keep quiet about it.