Smiling Glooom

5

Sometimes the easiest things for a person is the hardest thing for another person. Not all of us are the same and not all of us would understand that either.

She might look perfect on the outside, all smiling and happy like the first ray of sunshine that is ready to make a day again and make change but not always. Like a dark cloud that over turns that sunshine her life has downs, and in those she falls deep. Sometimes they give out a little better perspective on the matter at hand.

This time she had handed over her resignation which was quite a shock for many and simply so sudden. She, on the other hand had it planned for a longer time and was waiting till something took her over. Then at an unusual time her head and heart collided and she took the decision. Yet she is not happy. All she ever wanted to do was be free from the dark cloud but that cloud does not let her to. She has listened and observed and quite frankly felt these acid rains too. She was shocked on how she managed it thus far. It will take a week or so to be really over it but until then she has to be strong as much as she cries.

The worst of the situation was that she broke down in front of the head of her work place which she did not wanted to happen as it was so embarrassing and unprofessional. But what has happened has happened. It is no longer the thing to turn back and see. The fire has spread and has been fueled by many false assumptions. She no longer wishes to return and be even more shamed than that of now and most importantly does not want any pity nor does she want any validation or has anything to prove to anyone. Let them assume of her as a loser and a run-away. Let them condemn her and walk on her to whitewash themselves. She is not the person who will be pulled down although it was a very great burden on her head and her mentality was deteriorating rapidly she has faced far too many problems and even still though she is blamed for things she is not responsible for, like her ex-boyfriend's matters, she still keeps up her state of mind to finish her one task somehow and put an end to everything. It will take time, in that she will meet many and things will take turns in her life but sooner or later the end will come.

Splash!

A bucket of water on her head, soaking all her clothes and drenching her half-way.

Splash!

Again.

Splash!

And again. She throws a number of buckets over her head and soaks her of cold water. She has a cold but it does not matter anymore. She just need to freeze herself for the time being and be involved in herself.

Another task, another time for her to find herself, bring back her old self, and make sure to Love herself more this time than the last times, so that in the next short meetings of life she would not break down in front of a problem.

Sometimes loving one's self too much and valuing self also causes this what she has done to her. She has always created an alter-ego where she is proud of her life than herself being humble. But it is reasonable that because whenever she keeps being humble, she has understood that she was always taken for granted.

Now no matter how much they ask for her back she does not want to go back.

Sometimes one has to trust their guts more than anything in self. Sometimes that the only safest thing to do.