Who Killed Her

Chapter Eight

Dillan

I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay. I kept repeating to myself as I walked away, I'm a football player,  jocks can't be gay. But they're just something about him, it makes me smile. whenever I think of happiness I think of him. No you idiot, I furiously hit my head hard hopefully to knock some sense into me. I found the nearest bottle and downed the whole thing, sip by sip, ounce by ounce. It was bitter and sour, I could feel the tanginess cutting my tongue with each sip I took. I didn't care though, I didn't care about how stupid I looked or that my tongue was being cut by the drink, the only thing I cared about was trying to get Ben off of my mind, no matter how hard it was I had to stop thinking about him.

"hi"

a girl said seductively to me as she walked past me and went upstairs, I'm not gay. I followed her upstairs trying to be a little bit subtle, but where only we know I'm following her. With each step I took I continued drinking the bottle that was thankfully still in my hand. I just wanted to kiss Ben so badly right now. I followed the girl upstairs, where she went into one of the rooms. As I got to the top of the stairs, I looked behind me to see if anyone was following, or if anyone saw us. Once I noticed it was clear I went to the room she was in, and they're she was waiting for me. I instantly threw the bottle on the counter then I shut the door behind me and locked it so no one came in. You're not gay Dillan. I smashed my lips into her hard, aggressively, she seemed into it though.

 I put my right hand on the back of hear head, and then she slid her tongue in. I hesitantly pushed her away from me the moment she did that. She looked a bit disappointed

"look I thought I could do this, but I can't"

I was more disappointed in myself for what happened then her, I hated myself for this feeling. The whole time I was kissing her, apart of me wished it was Ben. 

"I thought you were cool Dillan"

Was was she Sayed as she walked out that door slamming it hard and loudly,  I felt bad but I knew I Couldn't go any further with her. I hated this feeling inside of me, this feeling of... him. I sat on the edge of queen bed and put my hands on the temple of my forehead. All I wanted was to feel dumb, completely forget about all my feeling, all of these emotions at once. It was all too much to handle at once, it was suffocating.  I was hiding this secret from myself from far to long, from other to. I had to admit it but I didn't want to. I got up off of the bed and grabbed the bottle off of the counter from earlier. I downed the bottle and tried to drown my feelings, to put them in a box and hide them. 

"Dillan?"

a familiar voice called from the door, Tamyson stood in the door step now staring at me with a huge bro smile on his face.

"you okay?"

he asked me coming closer to me, as he noticed the bottle in my hand that I was just downing a few moments ago

"I'm fine"

I couldn't let him know, not even I was ready to admit how I felt about Ben.

"is it a girl?"

he asked putting his arm around my neck as a sort of bro hug.

"yea, it hurts"

i took the last sip of my bottle and threw it on the brown carpet. I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes, but as a guy I have so many expectations, don't cry, don't be rude, be a man, play sports, wear a tuxedo, don't love men.. Sometime I hate the generation we lived in

"it's complicated with her Tamyson, this girl..she's different, it's complicated"

I looked at him, he seemed, sort of calm after all his anxiety relief is Olora, a girl for crying out loud, apart of me just wished he knew I was talking about Ben.

"why is it so complicated man?"

I didn't have a response for this one, I didn't say anything, not a word I just stayed quiet.

"Guys!?"

We both snapped our head to the door, Jing stood at the doorway with a pink strapless dress

"we need you guys outside, no questions please"

she seemed serious, I guess I had to put away my feelings for now, but they're was one issue, I was so hammered I probably couldn't even stand right. Jing already left back outside I assumed,

"you gonna be okay for a bit man?"

Tamyson took his arm off of me, all I could do was nod, what was I supposed to say. We both stood up off of the now wrinkled bed covers and it hit me, I instantly fell back onto the bed to hammered to get it,

"just be glad the cops aren't here Dillan"

He joked as he put his arm around me and helped me. Tamyson was a good friend, I've known him since we were in diapers, our parent knew each other before we were born so I guess they knew we'd we friends. The sad part is I just wish I could tell him about how I really felt, but I can't even tell myself how I feel. He helped me out the room shutting the door with his free hands. They're was still so much people everywhere, so crowded, being at a party is usually fun for me, but today I had so many emotions. Finally we had arrived to the stairs,

"okay you got this buddy, one step at a time"

he told me as we went down one step slowly, then another, and another. The thing that sucked the most was the fact that they're was so many dang stairs, whoever invented stairs must of never met a teenager before.  The house reeked like sweat and tang, my nose hairs were sticking up and I felt really nauseas. Finally we reached the bottom of the stairs. I had never done something that hard in my life.

"see you got this bud"

he laughed as he slapped my chest lightly. 

"okay door time dude"

he put his hand on what I assumed the cold silver doorknob with his spare hand and opened it. We walked outside, and they're everyone was standing outside. Even  Arabela,  and Rowan was standing out there. What was going on. I looked in between Abagail and Olora, Ben stood they're watching me, he had a glimpse of hurt in his eyes.

"what's up with him?"

Abby asked Tamyson as he continued to hold me up,

"he's hammered"

I couldn't help but look at Ben, he immediately looked away angrily

"why are we out here Jing?"

Tamyson finally asked her after silcence,

"because of me"

Tamyson turned us around, in front of us stood, a freaking cop. Why did Tamyson have to jinx it. Behind The officer Was Nick, he was with him. I looked over at Olora, she had a speck of hurt in her eyes.

''I'm officer Daniel's, and I'm not here for Dillan I promise,"

he said putting his hands up in defense, sure ending

"then why are you here?"

Rowan asked him straight out

" I'm here for the investigation of the murder of Nova Green"

my mouth almost dropped after hearing those words,

"I'm gonna need you guys to come with me"

he said in a serious tone, and a serious face.