Backwards Into Hell

Part Two: The LFG

Abigail's Diary

Wednesday 27th October

To keep her safe from the press, John accompanied Sapphire on her next toilet break while I stayed at my tent door, hugging my knees to my chest and remorsing that the sun had disappeared. Even in autumn it was chilly, and stupidly, I hadn't thought to bring a coat.

I was debating reaching into my bag for a jumper when I saw him, Simon, strutting like a peacock through the ocean of tents. He wasn't sleeping here with the rest of us—he lived on the Island—but nevertheless spent much of his day sitting with a group of girls, who I'd heard were Darren's sisters.

As Simon passed by, I buried my face in my knees. He stopped anyway.

'Abigail?' I wanted the ground to swallow me up. 'It is you.'

Simon sat in front of me, and I tried out an uncomfortable smile.

'I'm sorry,' he said after a moments pause and refused to meet my eyes. 'I didn't know David was bringing him.'

Of course he didn't. Simon was perfect, always had been. When he'd served me with the divorce papers (David had been too cowardly to do it himself), he'd brought flowers and offered to make me a cup of tea as if that somehow erased the trauma of two years of marriage.

'Thanks,' I said.

Why wouldn't he go away?

Simon wasn't a bad man, but I felt sick everytime I saw him.

'Sorry,' he said again when we fell into silence. 'I didn't want us to meet like this.'

I didn't want to meet at all, I thought, smiling again.

'Maybe I'll see you at dinner?' He finally stood up.

'Yeah,' I returned.

None of this was Simon's fault, I know. But he was the reason David brought Caleb here.

'Hey,' he said, pausing. 'Can I ask you something?'

I hid the frown from my face. 'Sure.'

'David's business trips... are they...?'

My heart wanted to break.

'They're not business trips,' I told him, as matter-of-fact as possible. 'At least they weren't for me.'

Simon looked down, hands on his hips as he lightly kicked the soil with his shoe. 'Okay.' He swallowed. 'Okay.'

He turned to go, and an invisible string dragged me to him. But what could I do? There was nothing to say.

Regardless, I found myself standing and holding his shoulder.

'Sorry,' I said, reflecting his catchphrase.

All Simon did was nod. He disappeared into the crowd and through the vicious sea of news crews, and all I could do was sit in my tent and pull my knees back to my chest.

Simon stayed in my thoughts for most of the day, even when Lottie and John returned because I knew exactly where his head was. Leaving someone—no matter how much they'd hurt you—was terrifying. What would happen to the house? To your friends? To you? To Caleb?

I'd been lonely for a while after David, wondering if I'd made the right choice, but then new things came into my life: a new house, new friends, and a new job, and I was there to watch Caleb take his first steps. Everything felt better, not perfect, but better.

                                                                                     ***

The sky had opened by the time John and Sapphire picked their way back to camp. Sapphire had wrapped a purple shawl around her shoulders, and John, much to my amusement, came over with a yellow fisherman's hat strapped to his head that bounced in the rain. Fortunately, when we gathered in Sapphire's tent to dry off, he left it outside.