Saving Calen

32.

Caden's POV

"Talk to me, babe." Ellie says as she cleans my wounds. My head is leaned back into her lap and I've been staring at the way she works for the last few minutes without saying anything.

The truth is I can't say anything. I knew what Aylah's step mother was most likely doing, but I was too much of a coward to step in. To defend my brother.

The shame in his face will be embedded in my mind forever. Her filthy hands all over him, the rigidity of his body play over and over again.

"Please, Caden. We worked on this. You have to let me in." Her hands stop their work as she starts running them through my hair.

"She raped him."

Ellie freezes for a moment, before starting again. "I thought you knew, love. There's nothing you could've done."

I bolt upright and stare at her. "I saw it, El. The whole fucking thing. I could've stopped it. I should've found a way." I scrub my face as I can't seem to look her in the eyes anymore. "I'm a goddamn coward." She moves to grab my face but I brush her off. Hurt laces her eyes as their gaze falls to her lap.

"I-fuck I'm sorry, baby. I just need to make things right." I stand and kiss her forehead before heading out to see Calen.

...

"Calen? You up?" I say through the door. I hear blankets shuffle as the door cracks open. Calen's beaten face appears.

As if realizing it's me, he instantly straitens as much as his body will allow and schools his features into neutrality. My heart aches that I've helped train that into him.

"Can I talk to you?"

He hesitates before nodding and opening the door, limping out of the way. He shuts the door once I'm in. Aylah groggily sits up and rubs the sleep from her eyes.

"What's going on?" She asks in a worried tone. Her face looks older since I've met her. Older but stronger too.

"Nothing, I just need to say something. Just please bear with me I'm not good at this shit, you know? This feeling shit. I don't know where to start so I'll just start at the beginning I guess. Wait, no that's not-"

"Caden." Calen snaps. I look at him.

"Speak." I nod.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." Calen's body stiffens as he looks at me. "Fuck, kid I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry for every single part I played in his you grew up. I'm sorry for not being the brother you needed. I was trying to toughen you up so that you wouldn't break, but I did it in all the wrong ways." I ring my hands as I take a seat in one of the arm chairs.

"Dad-Sean, was only ever cruel to me. If I messed up, it was fists first, words never. The amount of times I was laid up and could barely move-" I shake my head, "That's not the point. The point is I should've been better. Done better."

My eyes start to burn as I force the next phrase out. "What that woman did to you," Calen winces at my words, shame filing his face. "It wasn't your fault. I should have been there. I should have protected you. I'll never not be sorry for that, kid." A tear slips free and I quickly wipe it away. "I'm not meaning to get emotional. I'm just really fucking sorry." Calen stares at me, dumbfounded. I nod as I start to back away. It was foolish of me to assume he'd have anything to say to me after all I've done. I turn to leave, but a hand pilots my shoulder back. Before I can register anything, Calen grabs me into a hug. Something we've never actually done before. My body doesn't know how to react, so I force my arms around his torso.

When did he become a man?

He lets loose a chuckle. "You're the worst hugger alive, bro."

I laugh as another silent tear spills out. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, Calen."

It's silent for a minute before he says, "Well you have it anyway."